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In this episode, we speak with Helen, whose daughter, AnaRose, was stillborn 17 years ago. We learn about how this experience shaped the way Helen navigates the world, how it transformed who she is, and how she sees herself now. We will also hear from Anya, a registered clinical counselor, to learn how grief impacts us overtime. Together, Helen and Anya share how stillbirth changes us forever.
Your feedback is important to us. Please share your thoughts on this episode of Stillbirth Happens - let's talk by participating in this survey. Thank you for your participation.
Episode Notes:
Butterfly Run Vancouver
Butterfly Run Vancouver perinatal loss support group
Anya Mostrenko – registered clinical counselor
(mailto:[email protected])
Become a Butterfly Run race day volunteer
Bereavement box: a box used for storing mementos that may be personalized with the baby’s name, picture or some other design element. Bereavement boxes can provide a special place to keep memory aids. Contact your local hospital to speak with a social worker if you are interested in donating items for a bereavement box.
“Grief is like the ocean”, quote by Vicky Harrison
Compound grief: also known as cumulative grief; occurs when several losses pile up over one another.
Ambiguous loss: when a baby is stillborn, parents and family members may struggle for years to find out why the baby died, if answers even exist. Surviving siblings may grieve a baby who died before they were born. Society may dismiss stillbirth as an invisible death, yet the grief parents and families experience after a stillbirth can be lifelong.
Mourning rituals: ways of honouring your child such as taking pictures, making molds of their hand and foot prints, and/or saving a lock of their hair.
Continued bonds: connection that extends beyond the life of a loved one. Examples of continuing bonds include using your baby’s name in stories, keeping a journal about them, wearing jewellery, or visiting places that remind you of them.
Self activism: the sense of empowerment that follows a loss as one seeks to change the world around them for the better. Some examples include raising awareness of, and reducing the stigma around stillbirth, advocating for improved care for the bereaved, and offering support to
other bereaved parents.
Complicated grief: ongoing, heightened state of mourning that keeps you from healing. Symptoms may include: intense sorrow, emotional pain, and rumination over the loss of your loved one.
“You don’t know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice”, quote by Bob Marley
Stillbirth Happens – let’s talk
(http://www.bcwomens.ca/health-info/pregnancy-parenting/stillbirth-newborn-loss/podcast-stillbirth-happens)
After the loss of your baby
(http://www.bcwomens.ca/health-info/pregnancy-parenting/stillbirth-newborn-loss)
Glossary
Placental abruption: The placenta is a round organ that forms in the early part of pregnancy in the uterus. It supports the growth and well-being of the pregnancy in a number of ways through its connection to the developing baby through the umbilical cord. Placental abruption occurs in 1 in 100 people when the placenta separates from the wall of the uterus too early,
before the baby is born.
Hemorrhaging: The loss of a lot of blood in a short period of time. This can occur for various reasons during pregnancy and childbirth. Bleeding may happen internally (inside the body) or externally (outside the body).
Hemorrhaging from placental abruption: Placental abruption may cause hemorrhaging.
D&C: Dilation and curettage (D&C) is a procedure to remove tissue from inside the uterus through the cervix.
Low iron levels from hemorrhaging: It is common to have low iron levels after a placental abruption with hemorrhaging. When this happens you may feel weak, short of breath or lightheaded.
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The grief journey has no timeline and so, for bereaved parents, the first year can be especially tough, because it's full of missed milestones: first tooth, first steps, first birthday. In this episode, we chat with Emma Hansen about how she coped after her son, Reid, was stillborn. She reflects on how she managed the first year missing Reid, and how she and her family found meaningful ways to honour him. We discuss why it’s important to let yourself ‘sit in the shit of it’ and why even when you are grieving, you are still living.
Your feedback is important to us. Please share your thoughts on this episode of Stillbirth Happens - let's talk by participating in this survey. Thank you for your participation.
Notes:
Blog: Born Still but Still Born by Emma Hansen
Still: A Memoir of Love, Loss and Motherhood by Emma Hansen
Second Firsts by Christina Rasmussen
On Death and Dying (1969) by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross; includes her framework of 5 stages of grief which include anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
The 5 stages of grief and other lies that don’t help anyone by Megan Devine
Reid’s Reads by Emma Hansen, family and friends
Donating milk after stillbirth
(http://www.bcwomens.ca/our-services/labour-birth-post-birth-care/milk-bank/donating-milk)
Reid’s Corner
Grief is love with no place to go, quote by Jamie Anderson
On Being with Krista Tippett: Guest Rachel Naomi Remen “How we live with loss”. Original aired August 11th, 2005
Stillbirth Happens – let’s talk
(http://www.bcwomens.ca/health-info/pregnancy-parenting/stillbirth-newborn-loss/podcast-stillbirth-happens)
After the loss of your baby
(http://www.bcwomens.ca/health-info/pregnancy-parenting/stillbirth-newborn-loss)
Lactation after loss
(http://www.cw.bc.ca/library/pdf/pamphlets/BCW1465_LactationAfterLoss.pdf)
Glossary:
Cervidil® (dinoprostone) – a medication delivered through a vaginal insert that assists with labour by softening the cervix and preparing it for birth.
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Fehlende Folgen?
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When it comes to stillbirth, bereaved parents often have questions. Sometimes, there are no good answers. This lack of clarity can give rise to powerful emotions, including confusion, anger, and guilt. Today we'll hear from Courtney Hiller. Courtney and her husband Jasyn made the difficult decision to terminate their pregnancy after their son Luca was diagnosed with multiple health conditions that were incompatible with life. Courtney shares how her questions evolved over the weeks and months after Luca's stillbirth. We’ll also hear from OB/GYN Megan O’Neill, whose own son, George, was stillborn at 33 weeks. Megan provides insight into how she helps families deal with questions that arise after stillbirth, and how she supports patients through the process of stillbirth and during pregnancies that follow loss. Courtney and Megan demonstrate how to use our voices to ask questions, find answers, and seek support from community and others with lived experience of stillbirth.
Your feedback is important to us. Please share your thoughts on this episode of Stillbirth Happens - let's talk by participating in this survey. Thank you for your participation.
Notes:
Spina bifida myelomeningocele - https://www.canchild.ca/en/diagnoses/spina-bifida
Chiari II malformation - https://neurosurgery.med.ubc.ca/programs/pediatric-neurosurgical-service/chiari-malformation-syringomyelia-program/
Severe hydrocephalus - https://braininjurycanada.ca/en/caregiver/about-brain-injury/hydrocephalus/
Folic acid and neural tube defects (like spina bifida) - https://www.spinabifidaassociation.org/resource/folic-acid/#:~:text=Folic%20acid%20is%20a%20B,can%20significantly%20reduce%20the%20risk
Mamas for Mamas - https://www.mamasformamas.org/
T.F.M.R. Mamas - https://www.tfmrmamas.com/
After the Loss of Your Baby - http://www.bcwomens.ca/health-info/pregnancy-parenting/stillbirth-newborn-loss
Stillbirth Happens: Podcast - http://www.bcwomens.ca/health-info/pregnancy-parenting/stillbirth-newborn-loss/podcast-stillbirth-happens
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In this episode, we’ll hear from Erin Sowerby Greene, who learned, at 37 weeks pregnant, that her daughter Briar no longer had a heartbeat. We’ll also hear from Anne-Marie Cayer, a registered midwife supporting families living in urban and rural, remote, and Indigenous communities, about practices bereaved families should be able to access after a stillbirth. Erin and Anne-Marie teach us that although hospital procedures can vary from region to region, babies who are stillborn are still born and it’s possible – even necessary – to bring dignity and meaning to the experience.
Your feedback is important to us. Please share your thoughts on this episode of Stillbirth Happens - let's talk by participating in this survey. Thank you for your participation.
Episode notes:
Book referred to: Alan D. Wolfelt.(2001). Healing Your Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas. Compassionate advice and simple activities to help you through your loss. Companion Press, CO. www.centerforloss.com
After the Loss of Your Baby:
http://www.bcwomens.ca/health-info/pregnancy-parenting/stillbirth-newborn-loss
Lactation After Loss:
http://www.bcwomens.ca/health-info/pregnancy-parenting/stillbirth-newborn-loss
Informal Milk Sharing:
http://www.perinatalservicesbc.ca/about/news-stories/stories/informal-human-milk-sharing
Stillbirth Happens: Podcast:
http://www.bcwomens.ca/health-info/pregnancy-parenting/stillbirth-newborn-loss/podcast-stillbirth-happens
Nonstress test (NST) is a screening test used in pregnancy to assess the baby’s heartbeat patterns. It can show heart rate changes when the baby moves and may show changes when the uterus contracts, such as happens during labour.
CuddleCots are small, portable, lightweight units that enable families experiencing the loss of their baby at any age or gestation to spend more time together. The unit is connected to a hose and mat. The baby is placed on top of the mat which ensures that the baby remains cool. A CuddleCot was not available to Erin and Cameron after Briar was born which limited the amount of time they could spend with her. As a result of their experience, Erin and Cameron started a fundraising campaign to purchase Cuddlecots for local communities in Briar’s memory and to give other families the gift of more time with their babies. Read more about their CuddleCot fundraiser here.
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This episode is all about breaking the silence to recognize that stillbirth is part of the maternity journey. We speak with Jennifer Kuznetsov whose first baby, Andrey, died unexpectedly at 29 weeks gestation. Jennifer talks about the shock and disbelief she felt after learning Andrey had no heartbeat, and how she wishes she had been better prepared for such a traumatic event. We'll also hear from Kirsten Duckitt, a retired OB/GYN, about why there's still so much silence surrounding stillbirth. Stillbirth happens more frequently than people think.
Your feedback is important to us. Please share your thoughts on this episode of Stillbirth Happens - let's talk by participating in this survey. Thank you for your participation.
After the loss of your baby
CW Library - Lactation after Loss
Dry Creek Mountain View Cemetery Infant Graves Area
Transcript
Quote by Earl A. Grollman – “Grief is love’s unwillingness to let go”
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Many people struggle to talk about stillbirth. Friends and family members may feel awkward discussing it. Some clinicians shy away from it. Bereaved parents may be left feeling isolated and alone. Co-hosts Jaime and Erin – mothers whose babies were stillborn – talk truth about stillbirth. Together with guests, they explore topics such as the nature of grief and loss, the hospital experience of stillbirth, and navigating life after stillbirth – all in a welcoming and safe audio space. Through stories of lived experiences, Stillbirth Happens – let’s talk hopes to normalize the conversation about stillbirth and give those touched by it a place to learn, grieve and feel connected.
