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For many of us men, entering middle life can feel unsettling if not downright upsetting. We talk about being more than halfway through life, on the back nine, or some other less-than-tantalizing description of this stage of life.
But it doesn't have to be that way. In fact, it can be the beginning of the richest part of life. We know more than we used to. And we can apply that knowledge to live more fully than we ever have.
I was recently a guest on the Midlife Male podcast with Greg Scheinman (https://midlifemale.com/). I loved our conversation, subsequently read his book (also called Midlife Male) and found it engaging and full of insights. So, I decided to have him as a guest on this podcast for you, dear listener. As you will hear, Greg is a man rich with vitality and one who has given a lot of thought to this stage of life. I am impressed with how fully he lives while simultaneously how selectively he lives. That is, there are so many things that he could do that he does not do because they are not consistent with his focus.
I like that!
So, listen in as Greg and I talk about living more fully in midlife.
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Flirting. Could it be an important skill for us to cultivate? My guest says YESāno matter our station in life.
And when you hear his definition, youāll learn that itās not just about sex, dating, or romance. It can be done in friendly contexts and can cultivate friendships as well.
Benjamin Camras (https://www.instagram.com/benjamincamras/?hl=en) is a flirt coach, and he unpacks what flirting is, why itās important, and how to do it! Of course, many of his clients are people who are looking for love but, as youāll hear, itās not a skill solely reserved for them alone.
So, listen in as Benjamin and I talk about flirting and how you might be able to improve your abilities to do it!
You can connect with Benjamin on Instagram, TikTok, stream the Flirtations Flirtcast everywhere you listen to podcasts, and find out more about working together 1:1 here.
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Status. Itās something we want but might have difficulty admitting its presence or acknowledging we want it.
Except itās pretty much always around us and, according to my guest, itās a fundamental human need. It can drive the levels to which we receive respect and how we think about ourselves.
Dr. Alison Fragale (https://alisonfragale.com/) is a professor at the University of North Carolina, a keynote speaker, and the author of a book I loved called Likeable Badass: How Women Get the Success They Deserve. Iām not alone in my love for this book. Wharton professor and author Adam Grant said the book is āThe ultimate guide for women to achieve their goals.ā
So, listen in as Alison and I talk about status, how it relates to women, and how it can inform us all.
https://alisonfragale.com/
https://alisonfragale.substack.com/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/alisonfragale/
https://www.instagram.com/alisonfragale/
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Many of the best innovators in art, science, human rights, and other important areas of life have had one thing in common: they were rebels.
In some way, they refused to subordinate themselves by merely doing what was expected of them. Instead, they changed the way things were doneā¦ for the better. Iām not talking about reckless insubordinationāthe kind a character like Joker from Batman engages in. Instead, Iām referring to the principled version, the kind that Gandhi or MLK have exhibited in which people followed their hearts, their moral compasses, and the world would become a better place for it.
Dr. Todd Kashdan (https://toddkashdan.com/) is a professor at George Mason University and a leading authority on well-being, curiosity, courage, and resilience. He has published more than 220 scientific articles, his work has been cited more than 46,000 times, and he received the American Psychological Association's Award for Distinguished Scientific Early Career Contributions to Psychology. Heās also the author of a book I loved that is the subject of this interview called The Art of Insubordination: How to Dissent and Defy Effectively. I am not alone as the book has been praised by multiple thought leaders like Robert Cialdini, Seth Godin, and Susan David.
So, listen in as Todd and I talk about principled insubordination.
Linkedin: @toddkashdan - https://www.linkedin.com/in/toddkashdanInstagram: @toddkashdanThreads: @toddkashdanTwitter: @toddkashdanFacebook: @ToddKashdan https://www.facebook.com/public/Todd-Kashdan
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None of us goes through life unwounded. Physically, we may stub a toe. We may fall and get hurt. Or break a bone.
And then there are the psychological woundsāparticularly those that come from people who matter to us. We may be hurt by our parents, teachers, friends, or romantic partners.
When we attend to our wounds, they may actually provide unexpected gifts or strengths. But when we donāt, they can fester, and we can inadvertently cause others harm or pain.
Dr. Michael Meade (https://www.mosaicvoices.org/) is a mythologist, professor, author, podcaster, storyteller, and, personally, one of my all-time favorite thinkers. This is his second visit to my podcast, and I think you, my listener, will take away many gems from this conversation.
So, listen in as Michael and I talk about how our wounds form us and what we can do to both heal and to help bring these unexpected gifts to ourselves and to others.
Living Myth Podcast with Michael Meade: https://www.mosaicvoices.org/podcast
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When I think of my favorite couple therapy experts, Dr. Stan Tatkin (https://www.thepactinstitute.com/therapy-with-stan) is one of the first names that comes to mind. Iāve read several of his books. Iāve attended several of his trainings. And this will be the third time Iām hosting him on SuperPsyched.
Stanās work has changed my life and has been instrumental to the field of psychotherapy. And his expertise spans various areas of how we love including the neurobiology of love and relationships. As you might imagine, thereās a lot of terrain to cover! So, on this episode, I thought weād talk about love hacks and a bit about attachment styles. Whether or not youāre not familiar with attachment styles, Iām confident youāll come to have a better understanding of them and that this episode will delight you and be very useful.So, without further do, a hearty welcome back to one of my all-time faves!
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Experiencing panic really sucks. It can occur without warning even when thereās no actual threat in sight. Physical and psychological symptoms run the gamut: racing heart, shortness of breath, sweating, nausea, thoughts of losing controlā¦
ā¦ and even fear of dying.I had a panic attack of my own years ago and thought I was having a heart attack. Fortunately, cardiological causes were ruled out. It was panic. And, yeah, while I was relieved, it left me feeling vulnerable to having another.
Why does panic happen? And what can we do about it?
Fortunately, I know just the guy to give us the info we need. Dr. Charles Schaeffer (https://www.drchuckschaeffr.com/) is a clinical psychologist in private practice in New York, an adjunct professor at NYU, and among his many other accomplishments, heās the author of a book I loved called When Panic Happens: Short-Circuit Anxiety and Fear in the Moment Using Neuroscience and Polyvagal Theory. Iām not alone in my admiration of Chuck and his book; several thought leaders have shared their praise for this excellent contribution to the field of psychotherapy. If you or anyone you know suffers from this common condition, this episode and Chuckās book are highly recommended!So, listen in as Chuck unpacks what we need to know about panic.
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Have you ever needed to have a conversation but felt terrified to carry it out?
I'm sure that like all of us, you have. The sad thing is that few of us ever learned how to have difficult conversations.
Fear notāhelp is here! Two people who are experts at dealing with difficult conversations are the guests on this very episode. They are no strangers to this topic, nor are they strangers to SuperPsyched! They are none other than the powerful duo of Drs. Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. Many years ago, they wrote the classic book Getting the Love You Want. I give this book out frequently to people at my practice and it yields great results. And Harville has been on the Oprah Winfrey show several times, the first of which became the episode that led Oprah to her first Emmy Award!
You will hear in this interview how these two masters of couple therapy have applied their tool called Safe Conversations to any type of potentially dangerous conversation: at the workplace, at home, or with friends talking about political differences that might get heated! I like thinking of Safe Conversations as being personal protective equipment to handle potentially combustible topics! Their new book is called How to Talk with Anyone about Anything: The Practice of Safe Conversations. I loved the book and was blown away by how applicable their technology for having Safe Conversations can be to any relationship.
So, listen in and learn how Harville and Helen can help you talk to anyone about anything.
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Thereās an ancient story of multiple blind men touching an elephant on different parts of its body. And each man emphatically states what the elephant is based on the body part. The guy touching the leg says the elephant is a tree trunk. The guy touching the ear says itās a huge pancake. The guy at the tail says itās a rope, and so onā¦
Like the elephant parable demonstrates, finding reliable, truthful information can beāto put it mildlyāa huge challenge. Oftentimes, weāll hear a story from one source and another source will contradict it. It can feel overwhelming to figure out whatās what.
A person who may be able to help us is Dr. Alex Edmans (https://alexedmans.com/), Professor of Finance at London Business School and author of a book I loved called May Contain Lies: How Stories, Statistics, and Studies Exploit Our BiasesāAnd What We Can Do about It. The book received praise from scientific journals, the media, and thought leaders like Dr. Kim Milkman, a well-known professor at Wharton, who said it was ārequired reading.āAlex shares how we can think like scientists. He has strategies to help us find our way through the mire of contradicting data, find our way out of our own biases and cognitive distortions, and find our way into more accurate information.
So, listen in as Alex helps us figure out what we can do to see that elephant more accurately.
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These days, we hear on 24-hour news channels that the United States is more fractured than ever. Weāve got red, weāve got blue, and never shall the two see eye to eye.
Yet, in reality, we are more alike than we are led to believe. Think about it: is there anyone in your life who you love but who has different ideas as they relate to religion, politics, or any other divisive issue? I can think of many people, and I imagine you can too.
Further, Pew Research suggests that our opinions come from our parents as over 80% of us have ideals that are very close to those of our parents. I am confident there are ways we can find common ground as people whose parents think differently!
For this timely episode, Iām welcoming back UC Santa Barbara professor of psychology, Dr. Tania Israel. I first had her on the podcast four years ago when she had written her acclaimed book on speaking to people outside our bubbles and now for her new book, Facing the Fracture: How to Navigate the Challenges of Living in a Divided Nation. Tania shares ways we can connect with people from our shared humanity despite our differences, and she dispels myths that we are so different as weāre being led to believe.
So, listen in as Tania talks with us about facing the fracture and connecting with people who weāve been led to believe are so different from ourselves.
Source: https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/05/10/most-us-parents-pass-along-their-religion-and-politics-to-their-children/
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Funny fact: until the 90s, research psychologists did not really study happiness. According to University of Pennsylvania professor, Dr. Martin Seligman, they avoided it because it was so difficult to define or quantify. And, get this, he said that for every 100 studies on depression, there may have been 1 on happiness.
In short, we were good at reducing depression but not so good at finding happiness.
That was until the early 2000s when the rigorous study of what makes us happy called Positive Psychology emerged. I have studied Positive Psychology intensely and you regularly hear me talk about it, because it is endlessly fascinating and helpful.
A few months ago, I attended a training called Happier Hour: Life Hacks for Well-being (https://happierhour.com/ ) given by my guest, Dr. Robin Engelman, where we learned how to engage daily habits to increase our happiness. She is also a psychologist in private practice in the Bay area and a fellow positive psychology practitioner, so I knew weād have a lively conversation. I loved every second of it, and you will too! Robin has worked in a wide variety of settings, including many years at a maximum-security prison as well as with movie stars on the Oprah Channel.
So, listen in as Robin and I geek out to the research on happiness and how you can have a happier hour!
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Dating is a topic that shows up frequently in my officeāand understandably so. The process can feel fraught with awkwardness, vulnerability, joy, disappointment, and so many other traits that, at times, it can seem overwhelming to the dater.
And dating is such an important skill because our love lives tend to be one of the most crucial areas of our entire lives. Yet, despite its importance, there are no classes taught in school on how to do this well. Weāre kind of expected to ājust knowā what to do!Thankfully, there are folks out there like dating expert Sabrina Zohar (https://www.sabrinazohar.com/) to help people through the challenging mazes of dating. Sabrina offers a whole package of help for people in the dating world, whether itās her podcast, coaching, or other services. Throughout our interview, I found her to be highly intelligent, wise, energetic, and incredibly fun!
So, listen in as Sabrina walks us through dating pitfalls and solutions.
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I have some very exciting news: the book I have been working on for the last 20 months is finally available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other outlets!
It took me years to figure out the subject of the book that I had to write. When I did, it took ahold of me and didnāt let go until I was finished. The subject became clear to me after providing approximately 20,000 hours of psychotherapy, 200 podcast interviews, and reading dozens of books. In all these experiences, there was a common theme: they all talked about the importance of connection.
The only problem was, I hadnāt heard connection defined in the four ways we can experience it which, as I see it, includes connection to ourselves, others, the world, and to something greater.
The book is called Super Psyched: Unleash the Power of the 4 Types of Connection and Live the Life You Love. I am so grateful that it has received supportive blurbs from scores of my favorite thought leaders like Lori Gottlieb, Daniel Pink, Guy Kawasaki, Mel Robbins, and many others.
So, I thought I would do something different for this episode. One of the best interviewers I have ever known is Bronwyn Saglimbeni. Bronwyn is renowned for her abilities to help people with communication, serving as the top coach for the TEDx event at Stanford University where she coached people like Dr. Phil Zimbardo and dozens of other successful speakers. Bronwyn hosted me on her podcast called 20 Minutes with Bronwyn several times and got me into the podcast world and she even coached me for both of my TEDx talks. And as you will hear, she has just the right energy to bring out mine! So, a hearty thanks to Bronwyn for joining me as she interviews me and lets me be the guest on my own podcast!
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Iāve heard it said that the quality of our questions determines the quality of our lives. I agree with this idea. I mean, think about it: how many times in your life have you learned something super important just by asking? Children understand this but, sadly, as we age and become more self-conscious of asking questions, we tend to lose this skill.
But with a little effort, we can retrain ourselves to engage in asking questions. Dr. Jeff Wetzler (https://transcendeducation.org/) cares deeply about people leaning into this ability and has written a book I loved called Ask: Tap Into the Hidden Wisdom of People Around You for Unexpected Breakthroughs In Leadership and Life. I am hardly alone in my love for this book. Harvard Business School professor and SuperPsyched guest, Dr. Amy Edmondson said, āā¦learning how to ask others what they truly think, know, and feel has never been more important.ā
I couldnāt agree more!
So, listen in as Jeff shares how to rebuild our abilities to ask, a crucial life skill we may have lost along the way.
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Women contribute enormously to the workplace all over the world. Yet, all too often, their contributions are seen as less important than those of their male colleagues.
And while things may have improved over the years, statistics suggest that women still earn only 84% of what their male counterparts earn.
Clearly, we arenāt where we need to be and this is a topic that needs airtime, awareness, and changes.
I was so happy to speak with Valerie Alexander (www.speakhappiness) about women at work. Valerie has done many things professionally, but Iāll keep it short: she earned a law degree from the UC Berkeley School of Law, sheās written screenplays that have been purchased by large studios, and sheās the author of two books including How Women Can Succeed in the Workplace. I loved the book, and I was so happy to speak with her and share her ideas with you.So, listen in as Valerie and I talk about women at work!
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There are many cultures worldwide and throughout history that have valued age and wisdom. Yet in the US today, ageism is prevalent. Too many modern Americans of a certain age who feel self-conscious about making a reference to an old TV show or a phenomenon from a while back often use the expression, āIām dating myself.ā
Disparaging our age can be toxic. Weāre all aging, and age can bring with it many gifts, especially if, along the way, weāre accruing wisdom, learning more, and improving ourselves.
While we can bemoan the realities of ageism, a better option is to do something. Paul Walborsky (https://openwater.group/) decided to take that option and he created an enterprise that may benefit people of any age. Paul is a seasoned executive and founder whose CV includes SVP at The New York Times, and CEO of multiple startups that have been acquired by giants like Meta. He is currently the co-founder and CEO of OpenWater, an organization whose mission is to connect seasoned professionals with decades of experience and showcase their wisdom to the world.
So, listen in as Paul talks about aging, wisdom, and the strengths of these traits.
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Whether we're stuck in a long line, stuck in traffic, or stuck in some aspect in our lives, being stuck kinda sucks. We've all experienced feeling stuck at some point. I know I have! Don't you wish there was an easy-to-grab resource to help get you unstuck?
Help is here! My colleague, Britt Frank, LCSW, has created The Getting Unstuck Workbook: Practical Tools for Overcoming Fear and Doubt - and Moving Forward with Your Life. This workbook, a follow-up to her book The Science of Stuck, is a valuable resource for navigating those challenging moments.
Join us on SuperPsyched as Britt shares insightful tips on how to get unstuck.
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Have you ever experienced the fear of sharing your opinion at work or had the feeling like you're walking on eggshells in a relationship? The absence of psychological safety probably plays a vital role in each of these scenarios.
Dr. Amy Edmondson, a Harvard Business School professor, identified psychological safety as a key factor in innovative companies and stable relationships. Amy has won numerous awards including the Most Influential Thinker in Human Resources by HR Magazine in 2019. I loved her book, The Right Kind of Wrong, which delves into this topic, and has won prestigious awards like the Financial Times and Schroders Business Book of the Year in 2023.
Join Amy and me as she shares what psychological safety entails, how to nurture it in professional and personal settings, and why it's crucial for success in both spheres.
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Dreams are fascinating things. Whether we know it or not, we all dream approximately six times per night. We may remember our dreams and even think about them all day. Or we may forget them entirely.
For years, and in many cultures, dreams have held deep meanings. These days, some people continue to mine dreams for their meaning, and I have seen them have tremendous usefulness as a therapist and in my own life.
Dr. James Hollis is a psychologist and a Jungian analyst. He was educated at the Jung Institute in Zurich, Switzerland, and he has written 14 books. I have read several of his books and consider him one of the most important voices in psychology. Jim regularly interprets dreams of his patients and heās spent a great deal of time interpreting his own.
This is Jimās second time visiting with me on SuperPsyched and I am so happy to have him back. As youāll hear, heās a thoughtful and relatable person. Youāll also hear him interpret one of my own dreams!So, listen in as Jim and I talk about dream interpretation.
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What does it take to become a gold medalist at the Olympics? How about becoming a gold medalist at your third Olympics after coming home without a medal in the first two tries? And what is required to create a team that is in sync and ready for any in-game situation?
My guest answers these questions and more: Olympic menās volleyball gold medalist Ryan Millar (https://www.goldmmindset.com/)!
As youāll hear, Ryan is disciplined, and his practices go far beyond sport. We can all learn from what his path has taught him.
So, listen in as Ryan shares the gold medal mindset, here or anywhere you listen to podcasts:
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