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In this episode I chat with Samantha Bitty about her own divorce story, how a relationship with an ex can evolve, how divorce impacts us in relationship to and with our communities, astrology, intimacy after rejection, healing... and her glam divorce photoshoot.
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samantha bitty (she/her) is an award-winning, interdisciplinary sexual health and consent educator, speaker, certified Emotional Intelligence coach and social change Entrepreneur. With humour, empathy and liberation as central to her work, Samantha uses games, drag, and media to push the boundaries of propriety and facilitate entry points into challenging conversations.
An education and media polymath, samantha has worked independently and in collaboration, at all phases of development, production and execution of small and large scale projects. Prioritizing art, aesthetics and accessibility, her practise is rooted in pleasure, anti-racism, disability justice, and is affirming to folks across the gender/sexuality spectrum and survivors of gender-based violence.
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This episode is full of bravery and mega flavours.
I interview Chef Joshna Maharaj, and we talk about comfort food, food as a trigger, healing through food, and finding our way back to ourselves through food. I also go on a bit of a pre-ramble about my own journey with food post-divorce.
ANNOUNCEMENT - My season finale recorded with a live studio audience (you?!) will be Thursday, January 19th, 2023 in downtown Toronto, and my guest will be Samantha Bitty. Tickets will go on sale tomorrow! Stay tuned to my Instagram @BigDPod.
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Joshna Maharaj is a chef, a two-time TEDx speaker, & activist who wants to help everyone have a better relationship with their food. She believes strongly in the power of chefs & social gastronomy to bring values of hospitality, sustainability, & social justice to the table.
Joshna works with hospitals & schools in Canada to build new models for institutional food service. Her first book entitled Take Back the Tray (May 2020), captures the lessons and experience from her work in changing institutional food systems around the globe. She is an enthusiastic instructor of both culinary and academic students, constantly finding ways to make food stories come alive.
Joshna hosts Kitchen Helpdesk, a weekly call-in food show on CBC Radio, and she co-hosts a food & drink podcast called HotPlate, currently in its 4th season.
@joshnamaharaj
@takebackthetray
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Fehlende Folgen?
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This episode features Kat Foldvari, and we’re talking about mental health. Kat also shares some of her own divorce story.
She talks about her own high expectations of herself to navigate her mental health through divorce, stigma, stress responses, triggers and ways we can pull ourselves through.
Recognizing that there is a huge gap in mental health services and support, especially for people going through separation and divorce, Kat’s dedicated to providing mental health education, helping people navigate the system and advocating for the development of additional resources.
Join The Big D community by supporting on Patreon or following along on Instagram!
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Kat Foldvari is a mental health social worker with a masters in public health systems research. Most recently she’s worked on projects building comprehensive mental health strategies and designing wellness programming for healthcare workers in response to the COVID-19 pandemic. She’s a fierce advocate for empathy and understanding, and passionate about the strength-based approach to coaching and guiding others.
She’s a certified daydreamer and avid trail runner; mother of three bio-kids and two bonus kiddos.
Resources:
Thinking Traps
Hypo- and Hyper-Arousal
Rejection and the Brain
Divorce and Suicide
How to Put Kids First
Tips from Canadian Mental Health Association
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I’m so excited to share this chat with you, it’s a fun one.
In this episode I’m interviewing Lynzie Kent from Pop Up Chapel and Mad Bash Group, getting the tea on wedding planning when it’s your second time around. I share the conversation with my wedding photographer - Eyekah Foto - that inspired this episode. Lynzie and I talk about traditional and modern weddings, what it's like when couples break up, suffocating expectations, and what couples doing it for a first or second time can learn from each other.
Find Lynzie here:
@lynzie.kent
@popupchapel.ca
@madbashgrp
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In this episode, Nancy shares her divorce story.
"I help people hear themselves into being."
We talk about growing up in conservative Christian homes, all the ways we come out of different closets, the role of therapy in keeping a relationship together or its dissolution, knowing when to quit, and how her life coaching practice has informed her relationship evolution (and vice versa).
Join The Big D community by supporting on Patreon or following along on Instagram!
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Nancy Shadlock is the founder of Centered Life Coaching and the host of The Coming Out Chronicles podcast. When Nancy finally discovered that she didn’t have to divorce her spirituality to embrace her sexuality she started creating the life she’s always dreamed of.
Now she spends her days helping others break out of closets of all kinds, embrace who they are and stand in their truth through retreats and 1:1 sessions. Nancy also helps organizations build resilience and create greater rates of retention by helping their leaders grow in empathy and connection.
Find Nancy on Facebook, LinkedIn and Instagram.
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In this episode I chat with my pal, Elamin Abdelmahmoud about the best breakup music. We talk about ‘crying appointments’, music that softens us, brings us back, teaches us about love and holds us during the worst. Ranging from Rent and Bruce Springsteen to The Chicks and Adele to many, many more - we pack it in!
The Big D’s Ultimate Break-up Playlist on Spotify and Apple Music.
The Playlist He Didn’t Listen To on Spotify and Apple Music.
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Elamin is a culture writer for Buzzfeed News, and host of CBC’s pop culture show, Pop Chat. He was a founding co-host of CBC Politics podcast Party Lines, and is a contributor to The National’s “At Issue” panel. His work has appeared in Rolling Stone, the Globe and Mail, and others. When he gets a chance he writes bad tweets [Miranda edit: but he actually writes great tweets]. His book Son of Elsewhere, a memoir in pieces, was published this summer.
Get Son of Elsewhere at a local bookshop or here.
Read How The Chicks Continue To Be Unabashedly Political on Buzzfeed
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This episode is short and sweet. Very sweet and earnest. This is Britt’s story, the real life Parent Trap.
This is that real shit twist of life and love.
My parents have been married for 35 years so I don’t know what it’s like to be a child of divorce. I live vicariously through my friends. A lot of them still talk about the impacts of it, in their adult lives. Britt’s story though, it’s unique. She's a child of divorce, and reunification.
Join The Big D community by supporting on Patreon or following along on Instagram!
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In this episode I interview my friend Britt. She is a community organizer, dog mom, wannabe kid detective, bi cyclist who loves her friends.
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*Siri, play Believe by Cher* Do you believe in life after love?
In this episode I reflect on my experience as a single gal, and have the opportunity to interview Nadine on her experiences of dating post-divorce. We talk about cold showers, making out in the summer, sexting, the expectations we set for ourselves and others - and the stories that define how we approach dating.
Read Nadine's article In Chatelaine here: It's Never Too Late to Learn How To Sext
Join The Big D community by supporting on Patreon or following along on Instagram!
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Story coach Nadine Araksi writes for some of Canada’s best-known media brands and also appears on podcasts and television. She rose in the ranks as a leader on the business side of media before deciding that she wanted to do more coaching and writing, which married her love of exploring stories, helping women and building community. As a story coach, Nadine helps women seeking more joy and ease learn to manage their minds as they navigate living through these uncertain times. Nadine is obsessed with examining the stories we tell ourselves that keep us stuck and oppress us. As a first-generation Armenian-Canadian descendant of genocide survivors, Nadine’s passion is to rewrite societal, cultural, and familial stories to liberate and empower women and marginalized groups. Nadine lives in Toronto with her two teenagers and one very pretty cat. Find her on the internet: Website: www.kickstartology.com Instagram: @nadinearaksi @kickstartologycoaching Twitter: @scarbiedoll
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My bestie Rachel interviews me based on questions I received through an anonymous link on the @BigDPod instagram. I didn't know what to expect, and you all did not hold back!
We tackle all of these questions:
Why did you get married in your teens?
Do you regret getting married?
What do you miss about your ex?
Do you think infidelity can be okay if a person is trying to get their needs met so they can stay in a partnership? (Rachel and I go back and forth on what ‘emotional cheating’ means.)
How much easier or harder or healing or harmful would a breakup be if we shared the full truth with each other?
Did your queerness play a role in the changing dynamics in your marriage?
Who are your celebrity sex dreams about?
What music got you through your breakups?
What's the worst thing someone can do on a date after they find out you’re divorced?
What’s it like online dating?
Do you have trust issues?
What’s a pickup line that worked on you?
What’s a celebrity breakup I’m happy about?
and finally...
Would you get married again?
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In this episode, Danny shares her polyamorous breakup story.
What is polyamory? According to the Oxford dictionary, it's the practice of engaging in multiple romantic (and typically sexual) relationships, with the consent of all the people involved. When we recorded this episode, Danny was in the midst of planning her wedding to her nesting partner, which is already a sensitive, emotional, process to go through - which made me even more grateful that she took the time record with me. You'll hear all about how she processed the breakup, how she grew from self-judgement to trust, how her partner supported her, and the essential role of community in supporting our bonded relationships.
Join The Big D community by supporting on Patreon or following along on Instagram!
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Danny is an academic and social scientist studying kinship, and living on the West Coast of the country known as Canada.
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This is a personal one for me. Yes, all the episodes are personal but this one involves some of my own grief. This episode is the Ultimate D, a title bestowed by my guest, one of my close friends, Zach. The ultimate D being death. Last year, my friend and Zach's wife Tarin, died.
In this episode, Zach shares his love story, and about his grief, we talk about what it’s like to be alone, after having the future you hoped for erased. And, we talk about what healing has looked like for him.
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Zach was born and raised in the Eastern Townships of Quebec, but now calls Toronto home. As part of his resetting of his life, he is just in the process of launching a brand new travel company called Dinosaur Trips that specializes in dinosaur and paleontology-based experiences to destinations around the world. Maybe this will be the first job he's had that he identifies as part of who he is, but maybe not. We'll see. The main things he cares about are music, movies, books, pop culture in general, and sports. Plus friends and family, because of course. And he has a dog named Dixie and a Montreal Canadiens-centric podcast called The Montreal Bias that may or may not come back at some point soon. Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or anywhere else.
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In this episode I talk to Chris Lafazanos, a celebrant or officiant, and ceremony guide, about her own love and divorce story, how she created a divorce ceremony for herself. We do a deep dive into all the ways the hetero, white supremacist, capitalist, colonial patriarchy builds up marriage, to warp our perspective, experiences, and ultimately set us up for failure. Even how these systems define and put a value judgement on what 'failure' means. Most importantly we talk about all the beautiful things we can create together to make up for lost, broken, or missing ceremony. Alone, with our current or past partners, and our community. Throw in a few references to astrology, cultural appropriation, and being so, so happy to be queer.
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As a ceremony guide, Chris Lafazanos (she/her) supports people in creating meaningful, story-filled ceremonies that are either non-religious or spiritual to mark life’s important milestones like weddings, memorials, child welcoming ceremonies and divorce ceremonies. She’s passionate about how ceremony builds individual and community resilience as it creates opportunities for connection—to both celebrate together and grieve together. As a queer person, Chris is focused on serving fellow 2SLGBTQ in ceremony. For more information, check out woven-threads.ca
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We're back baby!
In this season two opener, I interview some of my favourite people, Carlos Andrés Gómez and Jeff Perera. We talk about helpful and unhelpful ideas of manhood and how they influence relationships.
And of course, breakups. These unhelpful ideas of masculinity are not intrinsic to men or masculine people. So we talk a lot about character and qualities, what underpins gut reactions, and how we can do things differently. Together, Carlos and Jeff are the perfect messengers and I'm thrilled and entirely honoured to be kicking off the season with them. This episode is loaded with sweet metaphors, laughs, and mic drops: this conversation was like a healing balm.
Join The Big D community by supporting on Patreon or following along on Instagram!
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Carlos Andrés Gómez is a Colombian American poet, speaker, and equity & inclusion strategist from New York City. Gómez's poetry collection Fractures (University of Wisconsin Press, 2020) was selected by Natasha Trethewey as the winner of the 2020 Felix Pollak Prize in Poetry. Winner of the Foreword INDIES Gold Medal and the International Book Award for Poetry, Gómez has been published in New England Review, Beloit Poetry Journal, The Yale Review, and elsewhere. For more, please visit: CarlosLive.com
Jeff Perera is a renowned speaker and facilitator having spoken across North America about our construction of gender, helpful versus harmful ideas of manhood, and inspiring men towards empathy-building, facing hard truths, and helping end gender-based violence. Jeff encourages men and young men to 'Be The Lesson in Action' and strive to become models of possibility for other men. Jeff started HigherUnlearning.com as an online space to explore how our ideas of masculinity impact all of us. You can hear, read, or watch media appearances, interviews, and news articles there.
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Hello everyone, I’ve missed you.
This is a special bonus episode of The Big D, a crossover with Sister On!
In this episode I'm joined by sister one-of-two, Nat Davey, to talk about reframing divorce. How can we put this painful process in a new light and learn to choose ourselves over relationships? We each share pivotal moments where our understanding and approach to the divorce has changed - Nat, 10+ years out, and me, 1.5.
About Sister On!
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Two very different sisters (one artist/entrepreneur, one teacher/philosopher) work through some of their lives' big hurdles, using humour and the superpower they like to call "reframing." -
“Why did he cheat on you?”
“B!tch, you tell me!”
This is the season one finale, featuring Bee Quammie, a musical performance by POESY, and MC'd by Bailey Greenspon. Recorded on December 14th at Reid’s Distillery.
In this episode we talk about infidelity, honouring our anger, and terrible first dates. Bee gets into the writing of her own story, choosing a better life, what it means to evolve, and truly embodying being full of herself. Not to mention, manifesting her dreams like - ABRACADABRA!
Stay ready for Season 2 in Fall 2022.
Live audio and recording by Kevin Scott. Event produced by me, Miranda.
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Bee Quammie is a writer, radio host, and public speaker. From her first blog, ‘83 To Infinity, focusing on natural hair care, health and wellness, arts and culture, to The Brown Sugar Mama, a blog focused on motherhood from the perspective of a Black Canadian Mom, to her bylines in The Globe and Mail, Chatelaine, Men's Health, Macleans, Refinery29 and Zora (which I love), she’s no stranger to the written word. Bee is no stranger to using her voice, she was also host of the Kultur’d Show on AM640 for three years. You can watch Bee regularly on CBC and CTV’s The Social - but no, she doesn’t stop there. In addition to parenting her two daughters, Bee is engaged In the community, she participates as a mentor in programs for young girls and women of colour, and hosts events surrounding feminism in film, and other events the celebrating natural hair, and diversity in media.
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This is my divorce story.
In this episode, my oldest and closest friend Rachel interviews me. We reminisce about meeting in high school, and chat about getting married young and navigating trauma, how I owned my sexuality within my marriage, bell hooks, and what I want for myself in the future. We also check on Justin Bieber's trust issues.
Content warning: Medical trauma, abortion.
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In this episode I chat with my pals Maria and Julia at Matinée podcast about the tropes, types, ins and outs of divorce movies, and all the sub-genres - revenge movies, single dad movies, and all the iterations of eating, praying and loving under the tuscan sun. We do a bit of a deep dive into Kramer Vs. Kramer and How Stella Got Her Groove Back. Which leads to the story of how I, your host Miranda, got spat on by Taye Diggs. What do you think? Which are your fave divorce movies and do you relate to them?
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Matinée with Maria and Julia is a podcast where they rewatch films that were formative for them... and see how they hold up. Listen on all services where you get your podcasts.
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This is bonus content from episode eight "But no man is ever worth the paradise manifest" in conversation with my guest Alicia Mathlin aka Meditation Pusher.
We chat about how mindfulness can be useful in healing from a breakup, and Alicia shares an exercise you can do on your own time to focus on self-forgiveness.
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"But no man is ever worth the paradise manifest"
Put on your peppermint oil and get ready! We’re about to get a masterclass on healing through mindfulness and being present in relationships.
I chat with my friend Alicia Mathlin aka Meditation Pusher- a self described child of divorce - about the lack of representation in fairy tales, self-compassion, self-denial, tenderness… this episode has something for everyone! We talk about being mindful in dating after a break-up, and advocating for yourself in the context of a relationship too, especially long term. There are plenty of belly laughs - and a surprise twist in her own love story.
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“I want you to unmarry me”
The pandemic was declared the same week Tina and her ex moved into separate houses. Her kids entered a custodial agreement the same week they got sent home from school in the lockdown. We chat about dealing with your own shit so you don’t pass it onto your kid, sitting with your own feelings, and your kids’ feelings, becoming the ‘fun mom’ and deserving to be happy - not by merit - but for being a human.
This is the final episode in a three-part series on co-parenting.
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