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Much of your thinking is automatic, and that can be a great thing. No one needs to analyze every stroke of the toothbrush, so to speak. The problem, Dr. Henry Cloud contends, is when we default to thinking patterns that don’t work for situations that require us to be more considered and deliberate with our minds. One of the issues is that automatic thinking can lead to deeply ingrained patterns of behavior that self-reinforce. You have to ask yourself some questions about these automatic thoughts. Here’s a big one: are these even thoughts? Maybe this won’t surprise you, but no, classically speaking many of these automatic thoughts don’t meet the criteria of thoughts. These ideas, constructs, or concepts might pop into your head, but they aren’t considered, they aren’t critiqued. They are thoughts, but they require no thinking. Dr. Cloud shares ways to start actively thinking again so that you can take control of your life in areas you’re overlooking.
Written Question:
Dr. Cloud addresses a question about dealing with a spouse diagnosed with narcissism who frequently turns conversations into arguments. He discusses the complexity of narcissistic personality disorder, emphasizing that not all cases are alike. Dr. Cloud suggests considering whether the narcissism is rooted in strength or weakness, as this affects the approach to dealing with it. The main advice Dr. Cloud offers is to stop engaging in these fights. He uses the analogy of a boxing match, explaining that it takes two people to argue. He recommends setting boundaries by refusing to continue unproductive conversations, suggesting phrases like "I don't think this is helping" or "I'm not comfortable talking about this right now." Dr. Cloud emphasizes the importance of removing oneself from the situation and proposing alternative ways to address issues, such as discussing them in a counseling session.
Carol needs help moving forward with her life after ending her relationship with her parents. She ruminates and finds herself playing back everything that has happened over the years. What can she do truly move on?
Written Question:
What kind of advice do you have for young leaders as they take on more responsibility?
Dr. Henry Cloud wants to help you take back control of your time and energy. You'll learn powerful strategies to prioritize what matters, set healthy boundaries, and achieve your goals with less stress and more joy. Time is a Finite Resource is a 2 hour workshop that will transform how you use your time. Go to https://www.boundaries.me/time to get a special offer on the upcoming workshop!
If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud
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Dr. Cloud discusses the concept of time management from a different perspective. He argues that rather than managing time itself, which is finite and unchangeable, the focus should be on how we manage ourselves within that time. Dr. Cloud identifies common reasons people may not use their time effectively, such as feeling emotionally isolated, having poor boundaries in saying no to requests, and excessive perfectionism. He gives the example of his father's philosophy of doing things "good enough for who it's for" to avoid wasting time on unnecessary perfectionism. Dr. Cloud suggests evaluating if an activity truly aligns with one's values and priorities before investing more time in it. The core idea is being intentional about how you "invest" yourself and your energy within the limited time available. Rather than time management tactics, this talk examines mindsets and motivations that can lead to poor time utilization.
Answering a viewer’s written question, Dr. Cloud addresses a common dilemma: how to manage time effectively in a busy life. Rather than encouraging viewers to do more, he suggests focusing on achieving greater effects with the time available. Using relatable analogies like mowing grass with scissors versus a lawnmower, he demonstrates how changing work methods can enhance productivity. Dr. Cloud also discusses outsourcing tasks and prioritizing what truly matters. He acknowledges that as one grows personally and professionally, demands increase, making strategic time management crucial. The key, he argues, is not to do more, but to identify and focus on high-priority tasks that align with one's goals and values.
Sandy has a 35 year old son who has overcome opioid addiction and is in a much better place. She’s noticed that he’s drinking far too much and seems like a functioning alcoholic. How can she have a conversation with him without bringing up the trauma of the past intervention they had over opioids?
Dr. Henry Cloud wants to help you take back control of your time and energy. You'll learn powerful strategies to prioritize what matters, set healthy boundaries, and achieve your goals with less stress and more joy. Master Your Time, Master Your Life is a 2 hour workshop that will transform how you use your time. Go to https://www.boundaries.me/time to get a special offer on the upcoming workshop!
If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud
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Fehlende Folgen?
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On this episode of The Dr. Cloud Show:
Dr. Cloud explores criticism and its role in personal growth and relationships. He argues that when done with the right approach, criticism can be an act of love that facilitates positive change. Dr. Cloud provides tips on giving and receiving criticism effectively. He emphasizes specificity over global statements, using "I" statements, setting a positive tone, making it a conversation, and offering actionable feedback. He also examines motivations behind unhelpful criticism like envy, anger, or control. The talk covers watching tone, making criticism timely and relevant, and distinguishing criticism aimed at helping versus hurting. Overall, Dr. Cloud offers insights into navigating constructive criticism, open communication, and fostering personal and interpersonal growth through this approach.
Dr. Cloud tackles a viewer's question about coping with a partner whose language inadvertently echoes her emotionally abusive father's. He discusses the term "emotional abuse," arguing that its overuse can diminish its impact when accurately applied. Dr. Cloud advises approaching the partner constructively, focusing on how they can communicate in ways that foster connection and avoid triggering past traumas. He suggests discussing specific language that helps or hurts, enabling better understanding of each other's sensitivities. Additionally, he recommends taking timeouts when triggered to prevent confusing past and present experiences. This video offers strategies for those whose current relationships are affected by childhood trauma.
Christie is having trouble receiving love. She has a transactional mentality about it where she feels she needs to be worthy of it.
Stacy is helping recovering addicts. Many of them have a victim mindset and cross her boundaries. How can she enforce her boundaries without exacerbating their victim mentality?
Tiffany has a difficult relationship with her father. He is addicted to TV and is constantly talking about conspiracy theories.
Dr. Henry Cloud wants to help you take back control of your time and energy. You'll learn powerful strategies to prioritize what matters, set healthy boundaries, and achieve your goals with less stress and more joy. Master Your Time, Master Your Life is a 2 hour workshop that will transform how you use your time. Go to https://www.boundaries.me/time to get a special offer on the upcoming workshop!
If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud
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Dr. Cloud presents 10 tips to help individuals navigate through difficult times in a practical and actionable manner. He emphasizes the importance of seeking professional help when needed, but also offers self-care strategies to alleviate temporary distress. Key points include combating isolation, focusing on what's within one's control, setting boundaries, processing grief, challenging catastrophic thinking, practicing self-care (sleep, exercise, stress relief), taking breaks, and maintaining perspective. Dr. Cloud's approach combines cognitive, emotional, and physical aspects, recognizing that well-being is multifaceted. Through personal anecdotes and analogies, he encourages viewers to view challenges as temporary scenes in the broader narrative of life, emphasizing hope and resilience.
Nancy and her husband haven’t had contact with their son for 2 years. She needs help finding closure on this relationship for now.
Laura’s husband has ruined their financial future. She doesn’t know if the relationship is salvageable, and needs help in keeping her children safe from such recklessness.
Melanie and her brother used to be close. She thinks her sister-in-law might be jealous of their closeness. How can she figure out what’s causing the distance and mend the situation?
Kathy’s husband is in an alcohol recovery program. She still loves him very much despite all the problems in the past. She wants to work on their relationship, but his sponsor seems to think she’s part of the problem. How can she step back in a healthy way?
Dr. Henry Cloud wants to help you take back control of your time and energy. You'll learn powerful strategies to prioritize what matters, set healthy boundaries, and achieve your goals with less stress and more joy. Master Your Time, Master Your Life is a 2 hour workshop that will transform how you use your time. Go to https://www.boundaries.me/time to get a special offer on the upcoming workshop!
If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud
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Dr. Cloud explores the idea that achieving anything of value in life requires doing things we don't want to do. He draws from personal experiences, such as pulling an all-nighter to meet a book deadline, and uses relatable examples like losing weight or building a successful marriage. Dr. Cloud emphasizes that embracing this mindset – that discomfort and effort are necessary for growth – is crucial. He touches on parenting styles that may inadvertently shield children from struggles, preventing them from developing grit. Overall, the talk encourages viewers to reframe their perspective on challenges, seeing them not as obstacles but as opportunities for personal development and ultimately creating a life of value.
In a written question, Dr. Cloud examines the "backfire effect" where people become more entrenched in beliefs when presented with conflicting evidence. He suggests first understanding why the issue matters to the other person - the stakes involved. Emotions also play a key role - hear their feelings before diving into differing perspectives. Dr. Cloud states differing viewpoints often stem from different perceived solutions to shared underlying goals. He advises separating the person from their position by acknowledging emotions and finding alignment on higher-level values first. He cautions that some topics incite too much emotion for productive dialogue. The desire for autonomy can trigger defensiveness when people feel controlled. He presents strategies like avoiding controlling language, finding common ground, and sometimes disengaging from unproductive debates. His analysis provides a framework for navigating the psychology behind these difficult conversations when beliefs clash.
Vanessa and her husband have gone no contact with his parents. She wants advice on how to support her husband through this situation.
Josh wants to pursue an advanced degree in addiction counseling. He feels like he’s being called from God to do it. How do you know when you’re getting a calling from God?
Dr. Henry Cloud wants to help you take back control of your time and energy. You'll learn powerful strategies to prioritize what matters, set healthy boundaries, and achieve your goals with less stress and more joy. Master Your Time, Master Your Life is a 2 hour workshop that will transform how you use your time. Go to https://www.boundaries.me/time to get a special offer on the upcoming workshop!
If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud
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Ever feel like apologizing isn’t working? In this thought-provoking talk, Dr. Cloud delves into the art of offering a sincere and effective apology. He emphasizes that a genuine apology is a powerful tool for repairing and strengthening relationships. Dr. Cloud breaks down the essential components of a good apology, including expressing empathy, taking ownership without making excuses, acknowledging the consequences, and committing to preventing future occurrences. He also highlights the importance of understanding the other person's perspective and addressing their hurt feelings, rather than focusing solely on one's own guilt or justifications. With his insights, Dr. Cloud provides a framework for navigating the complexities of apologizing authentically and restoring trust and connection.
Alex’s father is moving to her town and wants to start having a relationship with her again. The problem is that her dad is a toxic person and a narcissist who blew up his family by having an affair. How can she get better at saying no to a toxic father?
Dr. Henry Cloud wants to help you take back control of your time and energy. You'll learn powerful strategies to prioritize what matters, set healthy boundaries, and achieve your goals with less stress and more joy. Master Your Time, Master Your Life is a 2 hour workshop that will transform how you use your time. Go to https://www.boundaries.me/time to get a special offer on the upcoming workshop!
If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue
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Dr. Cloud provides guidance for couples struggling to reignite their romantic spark. Drawing from biblical wisdom and psychological expertise, he explores the natural seasons of marriage and offers strategies to reignite passion. He encourages couples to reflect on how they prioritized careers over their relationship, examine psychological factors behind this shift, and revisit activities that fostered initial connection. Dr. Cloud recommends revisiting initial bonding activities, making time to listen/connect without household tasks, and sharing what drew them together originally. With empathy, he empowers the couple to rediscover their qualities and rekindle their marital flame.
Christian has a problem: he loves solving other people’s problems. How can he stop relating to others by trying to fix their issues?
Emily’s boyfriend recently purchased a home and she moved in with him. They are going to get engaged and have been together for a while. The problem is his mother (her future mother-in-law) acts like it’s her house. How can establish boundaries with her?
Elizabeth was in an abusive marriage for 24 years and got out of it about 4 years ago. She needs help with dating. How can she remain vigilant while staying open-hearted with her dates?
Dr. Henry Cloud wants to help you take back control of your time and energy. You'll learn powerful strategies to prioritize what matters, set healthy boundaries, and achieve your goals with less stress and more joy. Master Your Time, Master Your Life is a 2 hour workshop that will transform how you use your time. Go to https://www.boundaries.me/time to get a special offer on the upcoming workshop!
If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud
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Dr. Henry Cloud takes a deep dive into the world of anxiety, honing in on a crucial aspect: learning to navigate internal anxieties without giving in to typical responses. From unraveling the physical effects of anxiety to unraveling the mind's interpretations, Dr. Cloud sheds light on the power of response inhibition in managing anxieties. With relatable stories and practical insights, this video guides you through the art of sitting with anxiety instead of running from it.
Audience Write-in Question:
I come from a close-knit family that values togetherness, but I often feel suffocated by their constant need for communication and shared activities. How can I set healthy boundaries with my family members without hurting their feelings or causing misunderstandings?Sarah has a sister-in-law that is dead set on vilifying her within her husband's family. The sister-in-law used to be very close to her brother (Sarah’s husband) and Sarah thinks she feels threatened by their closeness.
Finley’s parents are overly involved in her life. She’s a single mother and needs help from time to time, but her parents are overstepping in their helpfulness.
Dr. Henry Cloud wants to help you take back control of your time and energy. You'll learn powerful strategies to prioritize what matters, set healthy boundaries, and achieve your goals with less stress and more joy. Master Your Time, Master Your Life is a 2 hour workshop that will transform how you use your time.Go to https://www.boundaries.me/time to get a special offer on the upcoming workshop!
If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud -
Just knowing what gaslighting is can be a big first step to breaking free from it . The problem is that withstanding gaslighting is another matter. Dr. Henry Cloud discusses the concept of gaslighting, a psychological technique used to manipulate and control others by making them question their own reality. He delves into how gaslighters undermine individuals' subjective experience of reality to gain power over them. Dr. Cloud explains the impact of gaslighting on individuals, the vulnerable traits that make someone susceptible to it, and provides tips on how to recognize and deal with gaslighting behavior effectively.
Rachel has been facing lots of challenges accomplishing her goals and has sort of given up. How can she break the habit of feeling stuck?
Tracy and her boyfriend are in couples counseling. He’s been improving but she doesn’t know to what extent. What will it take for her to mend and truly see change in their relationship?
Samantha wants help understanding the boundary between expressing needs and being controlling in her marriage. She fears that it’s turning into a parent-child relationship and wants to get back to being equal adults.Dr. Henry Cloud wants to help you take back control of your time and energy. You'll learn powerful strategies to prioritize what matters, set healthy boundaries, and achieve your goals with less stress and more joy. Master Your Time, Master Your Life is a 2 hour workshop that will transform how you use your time. Go to https://www.boundaries.me/time to get a special offer on the upcoming workshop!
If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud
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You may think you are a separate and free person when you look in the mirror. You’re not physically attached to someone else. As a person connected to others through relationships however you might not be the free and separate person you see in the mirror. Dr. Henry Cloud talks about how so many of us are not free and separate people within our relationships. You might not be in charge of making decisions, someone might be controlling the decisions and behaviors that should be yours! Here’s the question: Right now, do you have any relationships where you don’t experience yourself as free to make your own choices without losing love? Free to make your own choices without a guilt trip being put on you? Free to make your own choices without them pouting and feeling abandoned? Dr. Cloud teaches you ways to start regaining your freedom by using boundaries to limit the control others have over you.
Audience Write-in Question:
My boyfriend gets jealous easily, but my friends say that means he really loves me. Is that true, or is this a problem?
Kimberly has a 23 year old son that went through a truly terrible break up. He’s extremely depressed. She and her husband are actively getting them help but they don’t know what to do next.
Sal’s wife wants a divorce. She’s said she doesn’t love him and doesn’t know if she ever really did. What can he do to open up communication and how can he deal with the heartache?
Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do?
Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain. Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud.
If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud
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Much of how we bond and attach to others is formed in early childhood. Dr. Henry Cloud shows you how to look at your attachment style and find ways to get to a secure attachment. The attachments you have early on, whether healthy, inconsistent, or toxic, will have a huge affect on you. How do you experience your need for others? This is a critical aspect to how you attach. When your relationship with your needs are filled with conflict your attachment will be unsteady. Dr. Cloud breaks down the contributing factors that lead to secure attachment. This is a big talk, but you’ll understand so much more about how and why you’re having trouble with your attachments.
Audience Question:
I suspect my boundaries need some maintenance. What are the signs I can look for that will tell me if I need to set stronger boundaries?
Jackie recently had a second child. Some of the women in her family are critical of her for not losing her baby weight like she did with her first child. How can she get them to drop the subject as it’s not helping and making her not want to see them?
Jacqueline needs to unfriend someone. The silent treatment isn’t working. Is there a good way to break off a friendship and go no-contact?
Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do?
Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain. Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud.
If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud
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By and large, personality type tests are very helpful as an initial assessment tool. But Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to get a better understanding of what they are actually useful for and where they fall short. One of the great things about them is that they allow us to see that a person’s behavior might not be coming from some malicious place, but from a propensity based on their personality. That's a huge step forward in building healthy relationships! Here’s the problem: a lot of people will take these tests and see themselves and others in a fixed way. While the personality tests can show the result of certain traits, they don’t explain the “why” of it. Dr. Cloud walks us through the polarity of personality tests and how to use these types of tests in a more holistic way.
Written question:
My partner insists we stay up all night if we fight, saying we shouldn't go to bed mad. But this makes everything worse! Am I wrong for needing space?
Jessica has an estranged relationship with her mom and needs advice. Can she follow the Bible and honor her mother while also not communicating with her?
Maria is dealing with a triangulation problem. She’s separated from her husband and he is using her mother to persuade her. How can she stop this from happening?
Jenny’s mother has a drinking problem. She is constantly drinking wine and now she’s falling often. How can she encourage her to get help when her mother gets angry whenever the subject is brought up?
Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do?
Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain. Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud.
If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud
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What thoughts come to mind when you think of responsibility? Is it burdensome, negative, or toxic? If you think that you’re not alone. The word often gets twisted during our upbringing because it’s brought down on you, it’s used in a repressive and toxic way. Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to think differently about responsibility. Outside pressure and duty are often associated with responsibilities, and if those extrinsic factors went away you would not keep those responsibilities. Dr. Cloud elaborates on how to transform the external side of responsibility into internal choice. How you think about your responsibilities as a choice is critical for developing empowerment in your life. Reality will always hold you responsible, but whether you take responsibility for your role in what happens has to be your choice.
Write-in question of the day:
I haven't spoken to my son in several years and it's the most painful loss I've ever experienced. His father was very hard on him. Too hard, and I didn't step in when I should have. He was a very stern man. Never physically abusive, but highly judgmental and not an ounce of love to give. I'm now divorced and I want to reconnect with my son but he isn't returning my calls. What can I do?
Jill stores trauma from her past in her body. She gets tense pains in her neck, back, shoulders, and stomach when she needs to speak up for herself around the family that caused the trauma.
Jennifer and her husband are in disagreement about their church. Her husband is against the core principles of his church but she wants to stay.
Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do?
Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain. Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud.
If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud
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You may have heard from this show that motivation is not correlated with goal achievement–in fact it can be inversely correlated with it. What then are the factors that have the biggest impact on accomplishing goals? Dr. Henry Cloud shows us that what matters most is first the belief that your goal can be achieved. The second factor is prioritization. In this short talk, Dr. Cloud will help you get clear about what really works for making things happen in your life. Remember, if everything is a priority, nothing is a priority.
Write-in Question:
I haven't spoken to my son in several years and it's the most painful loss I've ever experienced. His father was very hard on him. Too hard, and I didn't step in when I should have. He was a very stern man. Never physically abusive, but highly judgmental and not an ounce of love to give. I'm now divorced and I want to reconnect with my son but he isn't returning my calls. What can I do?
Jaret got divorced 2 year ago and wants to reconcile the marriage. His big question is whether his desire to reconcile is coming from a good place or a place of fear.
Kathy lives with a friend that’s a hoarder. When Kathy throws things away they find their way back into the house. How can she confront the friend in a peaceful way about starting the cleanup process?
Laura feels stuck in a pattern of self-betrayal. She’s a journalist and doesn’t feel comfortable talking about her faith at work.
Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do?
Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain. Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud.
If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud
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“Resilience” is a word that is thrown around a lot these days, and for good reason. We could all use a little more of it. But what is resilience, and how does one become more resilient? Dr. Henry Cloud breaks down the subject like this: There are negative events in your life from a small problem to something potentially catastrophic. Those are the external things that happen. Resilience lies within the person responding to those events. How you see yourself, how you view your own strength and confidence, the experiences you have had–all of these lead to your resilience. Your resilience is your capacity to deal with these challenges that come into your life. So how can you change your capacity? Your words. Dr. Cloud wants you to look at your words, and to understand how much they can affect your resiliency. How you say things to yourself about what’s happening directly influences how you interpret the event and its outcome.
Write-in Question:
I've dealt with a lot of anxiety in the past, both social anxiety and just general panic-y feelings, crippling self-doubt. This has gone on forever. But lately my friends have been saying they think I have ADHD. They've been sending me memes about ADHD and saying, "This is SO you!" And I have to admit. It is! A friend said there is a connection between ADHD and anxiety. Is that true?
Tina has a son with severe mental illnesses. He’s 38 and is refusing medication. What are her option before involuntary commitment?
Kathleen wants to know when she should stop hoping for further improvements in her husband. He has bipolar disorder and has made great strides but is plateauing in his growth. How can she encourage him to keep growing when he might already be maxed out?
Beth’s husband is emotionally immature. Their therapist has confirmed what she already knows: he can’t take feedback and gets defensive easily. What are some strategies for getting him on the right track?
Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do?
Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain. Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud.
If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud
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Wanting to do something and actually doing it are two very different things. Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to stop thinking of motivation as the key to success. While of course motivation is an important part of getting started, it can also cause problems. Hope deferred makes the heart sick, as the Bible says, and motivations that don’t lead to actions can cause their own set of problems along these same lines. An addict may want to get clean and be motivated to do so, but at each turn they find an obstacle and it doesn’t get them to sobriety. As these motivations accrue and lead to dead ends a new pattern emerges: helplessness. You can’t depend on motivation to get you to where you want to go. It ebbs and flows and it will let you down. So what does work when you have the motivation? Prioritization, habits, patterns, practices, accountability partners. Dr. Cloud wants you to keep your motivation, but be mindful that it’s not the fuel that leads to the end game. Let your motivation lead you to a new habit that’s more sustainable than motivation alone.
Write-in Question:
I have a short temper and I often wind up alienating myself from others because I am quick to get angry. It's probably affecting my blood pressure (which is high) and my overall mental health, and obviously the quality of my relationships too. Even when I try to suppress my anger, I find myself acting in a passive aggressive way. How can I learn to control my anger before it controls me?
Lindsey needs help with reestablishing priorities again. She got on the wrong track and wants to rethink how she views prioritizing the healthy habits she used to have.
Leslie gets insecure about the men she’s dating and whether they are interested in other women. How can she tell if this is just jealousy or her intuition picking up on a bigger problem?
Theresa has a problem with a brother she loves that also has some anger issues. How can she bring peace to the situation without sweeping the problems under the rug?
Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do?
Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain. Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud.
If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud
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Narcissism has become such a commonplace word that not only has it lost its specificity, but in doing so it has become difficult to identify the types of narcissistic behavior you might be dealing with. Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to learn what type of narcissistic patterns a person may have. Some narcissists can change for the better, and others can’t. Dr. Cloud describes the different underlying causes of this behavior and how you can address the entitlement that it presents as. In some cases you need to stay clear of these people, In other cases, through patience and love, they can find the vulnerability they need to become their real selves.
-Sarah has cut off contact with her mother but has family engagements where she can’t avoid her. How can she protect her sense of peace when her mother is around?
-Kimberly has experienced rejection, whether from romantic partners or her own kids. How can she stop ruminating and playing out regrets?
-Megan is a positive person, but when it comes to her future she has a really tough time seeing positive outcomes happening. What can she do to change her self-talk to something more positive?
Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do?
Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain. Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud. Take advantage of early sale pricing before
If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
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When you’re struggling, you’re usually going to have a symptom: you might be anxious, depressed, afraid, overreacting. You might be getting stuck accomplishing something. Whatever your symptoms might be, Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to see the key differences between symptoms and root causes. Learning more about your symptoms can help you see where your root causes are, but continuing to treat the symptoms without investigating the causes won’t lead to real change. Dr. Cloud wants you to stop and examine your symptoms so that you can get the help you need to address the real underlying causes behind them. It’s a great way to start feeling better.
Write-in Question:
I was in a relationship for years with someone who made me question my own reality. By the end, I felt crazy and didn't know what was real anymore. I've been out of it for a while but I still struggle with self-doubt. Do you have any advice for overcoming the effects of long-term gaslighting?Barbara wants to know what the process of healing from childhood trauma looks like in terms of time and commitment?
Joy got dumped by a widower after being together for two years, out of nowhere. When they started the relationship he had lost his wife only three months prior and isn’t sure if she was just a rebound-relationship to him.
Donna has a lack of trust that’s causing some serious problems. She doesn’t even trust her doctor. How can she assess trustworthiness better and gain some skills so that she can at least begin trusting at all again?
Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do?
Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain. Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud.If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud -
While of course being your authentic self is always a good idea, "faking it" can be an incredible tool. Dr. Henry Cloud talks about the psychological power that comes from faking it till you make it. Whenever a new task is put in front of you that you don’t know exactly how to do, this technique can be used to give you the confidence you’ll need to learn. When we are put in a position where we don’t have the requisite understanding or skills to perform, the process of faking it till you make it can help you avoid the feeling of being an imposter. Imposter syndrome can make you feel like a fraud. There are two components to faking it till you make it. One is that ALL learning is faking it till you make it. You don’t know what you’re doing until you’re doing it, and the process is inextricably linked to learning. The second component is that you actually have to do something to fake it till you make it! Rather than sitting around pondering and wondering whether you can do something, faking it till you make it gets you going on the path! Growth is not easy, but it’s really hard if you need to be perfect and all-knowing in order to get started. Fake it till you make it and you are on the right track to getting a new ability.
Lori needs help managing her relationship with her her ex-husband. They are still financially intertwined, but she might also still have feelings of love keeping her stuck.
Write-in Question: I have been surprised recently to discover that my husband and I have very different positions on a major event that has been occurring in the global news. Through deeper discussion, it's clear that his values haven't changed, and I don't believe mine have either. We have always agreed on nearly everything when it comes to politics and ideals, and otherwise we still do. I want to have healthy separateness, but it is a strange feeling to disagree about something that we both have such strong conviction towards. How important is it for married people to have the same position about big topics like this?
Tasha wants to stop comparing herself to others. She can see that it's coming from a need to control her world that might stem from earlier trauma.
Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do?
Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain. Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud.
If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud
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What’s the first thing you think of when you hear the word “criticism?” How you handle criticism is not just a measure of your patience, it’s also a huge growth opportunity. Dr. Henry Cloud explains how changing the frame through which you look at criticism can greatly improve your relationships and your performance. How you feel about criticism can also tell you a lot about your character. Getting to the next level in your life involves improving on things or adding new things to your life, whatever they may be. If you are not willing to find out where you can improve from the outside it’s going to be very difficult to verify real changes. Dr. Cloud wants you to think about your reactions to feedback and how you can steer away from defensiveness. Not all criticism is warranted or justified, but when it’s coming from a trusted source that wants the best for you it can be a blessing and chance to change for the better.
Dr. Cloud answers this write-in question:
I have a getting-started problem. I am a 37 year old male and I know that I need to make changes if I want to live the kind of life I always imagined living. I could lose a few pounds. I could take my dating relationships more seriously. I could be more ambitious at work. I could play a few less video games and drink a bit less. But I don't, and feel like I'm always living in tomorrow. I come up with plans but I never get started. Is there something I can do today that will make the kind of difference that I'll feel immediately, and might help me get more motivated to get to work?
Heather needs strategies for staying emotionally centered when things get heated with family members she works with.
Regina has a daughter who is a pastor in Sweden. How can she make her relationship with her daughter work when her daughter is showing signs of contempt toward her at every turn?
Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do?
Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain. Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud.
If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud
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