Folgen
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Hey there gorgeous listener,
This week, I'm super excited to kick off the new divorce book club with Tracy Schorn's "Leave a Cheater Gain a Life" book. It's a fantastic opportunity to dive into meaningful discussions about navigating all things divorce. If you're not part of the club yet, hop on over to patreon.com/thedivorcebookclub
Don't worry if you're just joining; there's still time to catch up!
Now, let's dive into the heart of this week's episode, inspired by the themes in the book. I want to talk about betrayal trauma and the devastating impact of infidelity. Let's be real—it's a complete mindfuck and can have a profound effect on those of us who've experienced it.
But here's what baffles me: why is cheating so often minimised and normalised in our society? It seems like everyone just shrugs it off with a "get over it" mentality. Dating sites like Ashley Madison and Illicit Encounters actively promote affairs, blurring the lines of fidelity.
Statistics reveal that a staggering 1 in 5 people admit to having an affair, with even more engaging in emotional infidelity. But let's be clear: cheating is a violation of trust and boundaries. It's abuse, plain and simple.
Take, for example, the recent scandal involving a prominent footballer. Despite betraying his wife repeatedly, public responses trivialised his actions, suggesting that fidelity is a non-issue and that she ‘deserves’ it. I can’t even tell you how PISSED I get with this shit 😡
Betrayal trauma stems from the violation of attachment and trust, leaving us in a state of shock and distress. Maslow's hierarchy of needs provides a framework for understanding the impact—when our sense of security is shattered, it's like the rug has been pulled out from under us.
Recovery from betrayal trauma is a journey, starting with meeting our basic physiological needs and restoring psychological safety. It's about finding support, rebuilding self-esteem, and reclaiming our sense of belonging.
Ultimately, infidelity is not our fault. We deserve better than to be treated with such disrespect. While healing from betrayal trauma takes time, it's essential to recognise our worth and pursue growth.
So, if you're struggling, know that you're not alone. Reach out for support, and let's reclaim our lives together. We deserve nothing less than our best selves 👑
Thanks for tuning in, and until next time, sending you all my love 🌸
Sarah x
https://www.instagram.com/thedivorcechapter
THE DIVORCE BOOK CLUB IS HERE!
https://patreon.com/thedivorcebookclub
FREE Guide to the 10 MUST read divorce books after divorce
https://thedivorcebookclub.com/free-resources/ -
In this episode of the Divorce Chapter Podcast, we explore the theme of confidence after divorce. Drawing insights from the wisdom of the Queen of Confidence, Erika Cramer, we delve into what confidence truly means post-divorce.
Whether you're just starting your journey or you've been navigating life post-divorce for a while now, this episode is for you.We'll explore what confidence truly means in the aftermath of divorce, how it intersects with our sense of self-worth, and practical strategies for reclaiming your power and embracing your inner sass.
So if you're ready to step into your power, straighten that crown and show the world the amazing person you are becoming in this next chapter, then this episode is a must-listen. (It's a bit of a pep talk too 🤣)
Sending you so much love
Sarah x
🌸
CONFIDENCE FEELS LIKE SHIT BOOK:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1925452301/ref=nosim?tag=thedivorceb00-21https://www.instagram.com/thedivorcechapter
THE DIVORCE BOOK CLUB IS HERE!
https://patreon.com/thedivorcebookclub
FREE Guide to the 10 MUST read divorce books after divorce
https://thedivorcebookclub.com/free-resources/ -
Fehlende Folgen?
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How often do your thoughts spiral out of control?
Our minds are incredibly active at the best of times, with an estimated 60 to 80 thousand thoughts per day, but after divorce, it can feel like this is at least trebled right? Which leaves us bloody exhausted.
In this episode, we explore practical techniques to help you regain control of your mind amidst the chaos of divorce. From understanding the science behind racing thoughts to implementing some different ways to frame the thoughts, we provide actionable steps to quiet the mental noise and find peace within.Whether you're struggling to make sense of intrusive thoughts about the past or feeling anxious about an uncertain future, this episode offers valuable insights and tools to help you navigate the turbulent waters of divorce with greater resilience and clarity.
Please do let me know if the episode helps,
Loads of love
Sarah x
🌸https://www.instagram.com/thedivorcechapter
THE DIVORCE BOOK CLUB IS HERE!
https://patreon.com/thedivorcebookclub
FREE Guide to the 10 MUST read divorce books after divorce
https://thedivorcebookclub.com/free-resources/ -
Divorce is a journey filled with all sorts of twists and turns, and one aspect that often gets overlooked is its impact on relationships with ex-in-laws.
In this week's episode, we're diving into the complexities of navigating post-divorce relationships with former family members and finding common ground amidst the emotional upheaval.
Maintaining connections with ex-in-laws after divorce can be challenging, but it's not impossible. From conflicting loyalties to setting boundaries and practicing empathy, there are strategies that can help ease the transition.Whether you're currently navigating relationships with ex-in-laws or simply interested in gaining insights into post-divorce dynamics, this episode will hopefully help you along the way.
Until next time, thank you as always for listening.
Sarah Elizabeth x
🌸
P.S. Please also do let me know if there's anything specific you'd like on the podcast.https://www.instagram.com/thedivorcechapter
THE DIVORCE BOOK CLUB IS HERE!
https://patreon.com/thedivorcebookclub
FREE Guide to the 10 MUST read divorce books after divorce
https://thedivorcebookclub.com/free-resources/ -
In this episode, I’m diving into post-divorce tattoos, exploring the rising trend of women getting inked after the end of long-term relationships.
I talk through my own journey through ink and the connections and significance of my tattoos.
Though all but one were post-divorce as the ex HATED the one small sun I had back then - Yes I know far better nowadays than to be dictated to by a fucking man…. But we move 😂
One tattoo, in particular, to me is my actual ‘divorce tat’ as to me it shows the strength and growth as a result of the shit show.
Throughout the episode, I offer insights and suggestions for those considering a post-divorce tattoo, given the seemingly endless possibilities for expressing resilience, freedom and strength through ink.
Ultimately, getting a divorce tattoo can be a powerful way to mark the beginning of a new chapter and celebrate personal growth. It's a visible reminder of resilience, empowerment, and the journey towards self-discovery.
Plus I have the tattoo bug!
I also talk at the end about the Divorce Book Club…..
You can find the waitlist here ⬇️
https://thedivorcebookclub.com/the-divorce-book-club/
I hope you enjoy the episode. Do tag me with your divorce tats on social media over @thedivorcechapterLoads of Love
Sarah x
🌸
https://www.instagram.com/thedivorcechapter
THE DIVORCE BOOK CLUB IS HERE!
https://patreon.com/thedivorcebookclub
FREE Guide to the 10 MUST read divorce books after divorce
https://thedivorcebookclub.com/free-resources/ -
Breaking up is never easy. Whether it was an amicable parting or a more tumultuous and fucked up split, the aftermath of a divorce can leave us feeling lost, confused, and emotionally drained. One of the most challenging aspects of navigating life post-breakup is enforcing and maintaining no contact with the ex.
In this episode we go into the complexities of no contact and provide actionable tips to help you navigate this challenging process. Here's a glimpse of what you'll discover:
- Understanding the urge to contact your ex and why enforcing no contact is crucial for your healing journey.
- Practical strategies for breaking the habit of reaching out to your ex, including setting clear boundaries and finding healthier coping mechanisms.
- The importance of building a supportive network of friends and family to lean on during moments of weakness.
- Creating visual reminders and affirmations to reinforce your commitment to self-love and healing.
- Embracing the journey of healing after a breakup and celebrating your progress along the way.
I do hope this helps
Sarah x
🌸
P.S. The wait list for the Divorce Book Club can be found here:
https://thedivorcebookclub.com/the-divorce-book-club/
And the link to download 10 must read books after divorce can be found here:
https://thedivorcebookclub.com/free-resources/https://www.instagram.com/thedivorcechapter
THE DIVORCE BOOK CLUB IS HERE!
https://patreon.com/thedivorcebookclub
FREE Guide to the 10 MUST read divorce books after divorce
https://thedivorcebookclub.com/free-resources/ -
Have you heard the one about the cat who got divorced? He was a cheetah… get it?
Maybe it's too soon to laugh, but could there be a role for humour in divorce?
I know that divorce is no joke, especially when it involves betrayal and abuse. But amidst the bitterness and anger, is there a point where we need to learn to laugh again?
Humour, especially dark humour, has a psychological benefit. Gallows humour, born from dire situations, allows us to find the funny even in the darkest times.
Professions dealing with trauma often use humour as a coping mechanism. Theories like superiority and relief suggest that humour empowers us and helps vent stored trauma.
While humour shouldn't mask our true feelings, it can be a valuable coping mechanism. Laughing at the absurdities of divorce can reduce stress and promote healing.
As time passes, finding humour in the situation can be part of the healing process. Laughing at our ex's quirks can help remove them from the pedestal we put them on.
So this week, I ‘try’ to give you some divorce jokes and funny quotes from famous personalities that highlight the absurdities of divorce and can bring a smile to our faces.
Ultimately, humour can really help us navigate the complexities of divorce and move forward with resilience and strength.
So, let's embrace the laughter and turn pain into punchlines.
Because in the end, we deserve to smile and be happy, no matter what.
Sending you so much love (and laughter)
Sarah x
🌸
https://www.instagram.com/thedivorcechapter
THE DIVORCE BOOK CLUB IS HERE!
https://patreon.com/thedivorcebookclub
FREE Guide to the 10 MUST read divorce books after divorce
https://thedivorcebookclub.com/free-resources/ -
Are you grappling with loneliness post-divorce? The dread of being alone, especially during long weekends, can be overwhelming.
It’s so damn hard…. Loneliness after divorce is a complex emotion, stemming from various facets of life upheaval.
And it is such a common experience…. But it’s also important to understand that being alone does not automatically equate to having to feel lonely.
This episode is about working through this when we do feel lonely after divorce, and finding tips and strategies to learn to live a solo life…. Without having to feel lonely.
Takeaways
🌸Feeling lonely after divorce is normal and common.
🌸Humans are wired for connection and being alone can trigger feelings of loneliness.
🌸Society often perceives being alone as negative, which can contribute to feelings of loneliness.
🌸Managing loneliness involves planning ahead, maintaining social connections, engaging in activities, creating new routines, and practicing self-care.
🌸Shifting perspective and learning to enjoy one's own company can lead to a more positive experience of being alone.
I hope this helps a little as we continue to navigate this next chapter.
Sending you so much love
Sarah x
50 THINGS TO DO ALONE POST:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1bUHX-gm-WV_tHBYhBV-YQ2FUk64oGZz2/view?usp=sharinghttps://www.instagram.com/thedivorcechapter
THE DIVORCE BOOK CLUB IS HERE!
https://patreon.com/thedivorcebookclub
FREE Guide to the 10 MUST read divorce books after divorce
https://thedivorcebookclub.com/free-resources/ -
Welcome back to another episode of the Divorce Chapter Podcast! This week, we dive into part 2 of "Plotting the Next Chapter" as we continue to create a vision for our future.
In the last episode, we explored the concept of the "end of history illusion" – the tendency to reflect on how much things have changed in the past but how we struggle to envision detailed expectations for the future. This phenomenon affects us all, but for those navigating divorce, it's compounded by the loss of our expected vision for the future with our ex-partner.
In this episode, we are talking more about the importance of creating a vision for the future after divorce. And why it’s all the more important for us to rediscover our identity and values to create a blueprint for our future selves right? I go through working out our core values and applying these to each area of our lives with the Wheel of Life.
I talk through visualisation and vision boards (no, this is NOT woo woo) and then taking small steps towards our vision.
All whilst avoiding comparison fatigue and using envy to reinforce our own magic.
Takeaways
🌸The end of history illusion makes it difficult for us to imagine a future that is different from our past or present.
🌸Divorce compounds this struggle by removing our expected vision for the future with our ex.
🌸Rediscovering our identity and values helps us create a blueprint for our future selves.
🌸Using a vision board and the Wheel of Life can help clarify our vision and take action towards it.
I hope you love the episode.
Sarah 🌸
Wheel of Life template again if you need it:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1_LRdL8AZmkGF0hQ98NoCkR68hT8Ee1-t/view?usp=drive_linkhttps://www.instagram.com/thedivorcechapter
THE DIVORCE BOOK CLUB IS HERE!
https://patreon.com/thedivorcebookclub
FREE Guide to the 10 MUST read divorce books after divorce
https://thedivorcebookclub.com/free-resources/ -
In this episode, we talk about the process of creating a new vision for the future after divorce.
The devastation of a broken future and the expectations that come with a long-term relationship are very real and really damn hard to navigate right?
I explain the concept of the end of history illusion, which further prevents us from envisioning our future selves. But using some of the questions in this episode, we are starting to imagine a new future based on feelings and values. Thinking about the importance of rediscovering our true self and clarifying a vision for the future after divorce.
I went on for a bit longer than planned (!) and so decided to turn the episode into two parts. So this episode is Part I and next week, I'll bring you Part II, which will focus on activating the new future.I hope you enjoy it (and please take the time to reflect on the questions before next week)
Sending you so much love
Sarah 🌸Takeaways from this episode
The end of a long-term relationship can shatter our expectations for the future, leaving us feeling lost and scared.
The end of history illusion further prevents us from envisioning our future selves and limits our ability to embrace change.
Creating a new vision for the future involves reflecting on the past, identifying our core values, and focusing on how we want to feel.
Rediscovering our true selves and clarifying our vision for the future are essential steps in moving forward after divorce.
🌸https://www.instagram.com/thedivorcechapter
THE DIVORCE BOOK CLUB IS HERE!
https://patreon.com/thedivorcebookclub
FREE Guide to the 10 MUST read divorce books after divorce
https://thedivorcebookclub.com/free-resources/ -
Have you ever found yourself grappling with terms like "gaslighting," "ghosting," or "trauma bonds," unsure of their meanings or implications?
If so, you're not alone.
In this episode, we delve into the complex world of divorce and relationship terminology and lingo…. A bit like an alternative dictionary.
There is so much of this language that has seeped into everyday conversations but often it leaves us feeling confused as to what the hell it all means. From "breadcrumbing" to "gaslighting," this episode is a bit like having your own translator.
TW: Some of the words and terms are complex and can be re-traumatising. If you are experiencing any of the abuse we talked about in today’s episode, please please please seek support.
These are some UK services for supporting domestic abuse:
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/
https://refuge.org.uk/
Remember, you deserve to live a fulfilling and healthy life, free from toxic relationships and abuse.
Sending you SO much love
Sarah 🌸
https://www.instagram.com/thedivorcechapter
THE DIVORCE BOOK CLUB IS HERE!
https://patreon.com/thedivorcebookclub
FREE Guide to the 10 MUST read divorce books after divorce
https://thedivorcebookclub.com/free-resources/ -
Are you ready for a deep dive into the bewildering world of runaway husbands? In this episode of The Divorce Chapter podcast, I explore the unexpected plot twist of husbands who just up and leave with zero warning.
Drawing inspiration from the book "Runaway Husbands" by Vikki Stark, I share my own insights and experiences, emphasizing the parallels many of us going through divorce may find in this deep dive.
I go through the emotional rollercoaster of wife abandonment syndrome, discussing the chaos of the initial shock, the obsessive thoughts, revenge fantasies, and the transformative journey towards rebuilding a new life. The episode delves into the seven steps for moving forward detailed in the book, offering a roadmap for those navigating the challenging terrain of unexpected divorces.
Join me on this journey as I share stories, experiences, and highlight the significance of the upcoming Divorce Book Club. Discover the healing power of learning and growing together as you too turn the unexpected divorce plot twist into a new and improved happily ever after.
Remember, you're not alone in this.
Sending you SO much love
Sarah 🌸
The BOOK: Runaway Husbands by Vikki Stark:http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1988498015/ref=nosim?tag=thedivorceboo-21
https://www.instagram.com/thedivorcechapter
THE DIVORCE BOOK CLUB IS HERE!
https://patreon.com/thedivorcebookclub
FREE Guide to the 10 MUST read divorce books after divorce
https://thedivorcebookclub.com/free-resources/ -
Hello, and welcome back to another episode of the Divorce Chapter podcast, turning the unexpected divorce plot twist into a new and improved happily ever after.
Can we talk about Valentine's Day for a moment? After a divorce, it feels like hearts and flowers just rub salt in the wound, right?But let's turn the tables on this whole Valentine's drama. Join me on the podcast as I spill the beans about my cliché engagement story that happened on Valentine's Day (yes, seriously!). We'll chat through the expectations and disappointments tied to this lovey-dovey day and maybe find some humour in the process.
Expect a dash of Anti-Valentine's, because, why not? Did you know there's an entire week dedicated to it? From SLAP day to BREAK-UP day, it's a rollercoaster of emotions, and I'm here for it. Let's explore reframing Valentine's Day, injecting some laughs, and creating our own traditions.
And if the whole romantic vibe is getting you down, fear not! We'll go into the art of self-love. Imagine buying yourself the most beautiful flowers, creating a self-care package, or treating yourself to a luxurious shopping spree. It's all about embracing the leading-lady energy in your life.
And that's not without romanticising your own life? I'm talking about adding a sprinkle of magic to the mundane, treating yourself like the star you are, and taking yourself on a date. Get ready to laugh, love, and embrace the fabulousness that is you!
So, whether you're diving into Galentine's Day, awaiting Black Day in April, or just celebrating your solo status, remember – you have the power to choose how you approach these days. Let's reframe expectations, find the joy in our own company, and laugh in the face of societal pressures.
As always, sending you all my love, and I can't wait to be back in your beautiful earbuds next week
🌸
https://www.instagram.com/thedivorcechapter
THE DIVORCE BOOK CLUB IS HERE!
https://patreon.com/thedivorcebookclub
FREE Guide to the 10 MUST read divorce books after divorce
https://thedivorcebookclub.com/free-resources/ -
In this episode of the Divorce Chapter podcast, I am exploring the challenging process of letting go of anger, hurt, and resentment after a divorce. I go deep into the complexity of emotions post-divorce, and the importance of moving past the destructive emotions associated with betrayal and actively choosing a path of healing and growth.
The lasting impact of being lied to, cheated on, and manipulated by someone supposed to love us is fucking HARD, but in the episode we talk about the damage that holding onto anger can cause…. and so it’s about ‘choosing the hard’. I’d love for us to shift the focus from seeking revenge to reclaiming power over our lives.
Throughout the episode, I share practical tips and ideas for managing anger and challenging negative thoughts and feelings. The ultimate goal is to reach a state of neutrality, not fuelled by hatred or love but ‘just’ indifference. The aim is always taking small steps towards creating a new, positive chapter in our life after divorce.
I hope you enjoy the episode
Sarah 🌸https://www.instagram.com/thedivorcechapter
THE DIVORCE BOOK CLUB IS HERE!
https://patreon.com/thedivorcebookclub
FREE Guide to the 10 MUST read divorce books after divorce
https://thedivorcebookclub.com/free-resources/ -
Welcome back to another episode of the Divorce Chapter podcast! I hope you're hanging in there as we approach the end of January – almost made it!
Not much to report my end, except my ongoing battle with technology. Getting the Divorce Book Club off the ground is proving to be a tech-induced headache. Website, links, and all the digital intricacies – it's exhausting, to say the least.
But hey, more about the exciting stuff. Drumroll, please – introducing the upcoming Divorce Book Club! Get ready for a literary journey through books on divorce, relationships, personal development – all the good stuff. We'll explore a book each month, accompanied by exclusive Patreon podcast episodes filled with stories and anecdotes. Together, we'll conquer divorce. Who's with me on winning this battle?
Stay tuned for updates as I navigate through the tech chaos!
Now, back to today's episode topic – sleep. While there’s so much out there about sleep science, let's keep it real with some quick tips and hacks to help you catch those much-needed Zs.
I talk through my experiences of those brutal early days and my lowest times, and the added layer of anxiety around the sleeping tablets that the GP prescribed. Adapting to sleeping alone added a new layer of struggle. The empty bed echoed the cold, empty feeling of life after divorce.
Attempting to sleep, your brain betrays you, replaying every memory, accompanied by divorce demons and anxiety. Social media rabbit holes, weird dreams, and waking up to the painful reality – the sleep saga post-divorce is anything but ordinary.
No surprise, right? Divorce ranks among life's most stressful events, and stress and sleep aren't exactly buddies – more like divorced acquaintances.
So, what can we do? Forget the sleep cycles; getting proper sleep is the challenge. In the absence of an expert on the pod, I talk through 20 hacks I've tried myself over the years.
Remember, take what works for you, and feel free to create your own dreamy sleep routine.
If any of these hacks do resonate with you, please do share them on social media, tag me @thedivorcechapter, and leave a kind review. Your feedback means the world.
As always, this podcast is for you, so let me know if there are experts you'd like to hear from or topics you’d love me to cover. We've got this! Until next week, sending loads of love. Sleep well and live your best life after divorce! 🌸
https://www.instagram.com/thedivorcechapter
THE DIVORCE BOOK CLUB IS HERE!
https://patreon.com/thedivorcebookclub
FREE Guide to the 10 MUST read divorce books after divorce
https://thedivorcebookclub.com/free-resources/ -
Welcome back to another episode of The Divorce Chapter Podcast and it’s a bit of a heavyweight topic – getting over lies, manipulation, and deception.
Lies can be a real killer, and my ex-husband was a champion at it. The lies unraveled gradually, a trickle truth that only surfaced when he was caught. It's a tale of lunches turning into kisses, and kisses turning into affairs – all revealed one painful layer at a time.
Gaslighting, a tactic to make us doubt our sanity, was another layer of torment. They twist reality, making us question our own perceptions. It's a mind game we never signed up for, leaving us with profound trust issues.
But here's the thing, it's not our fault. Our responsibility now is to take care of ourselves and heal. How do we rebuild trust, especially in ourselves?
And that’s what I hope to help you with in this episode. Because rebuilding trust is like repairing a leaky roof – one tile at a time.
https://www.instagram.com/thedivorcechapter
THE DIVORCE BOOK CLUB IS HERE!
https://patreon.com/thedivorcebookclub
FREE Guide to the 10 MUST read divorce books after divorce
https://thedivorcebookclub.com/free-resources/ -
First up, I wanted to share two practices that I forgot to mention last week… but that I think may be helpful if you are at the surviving rather than thriving phrase:
Word for the yearWin/Happy/Gratitude Jar
Then I delve into a topic I've debated discussing—alcohol and its role in post-divorce life. While not divorce-specific, it was a significant theme for me and perhaps for you too.I talk about how much it became an escape when I just wanted to block out ALL the crap. I just wanted to numb myself.
And it seems I wasn’t the only one judging by some of the studies I found. Many of us turn to various habits, consciously or subconsciously, seeking a way to navigate the aftermath of divorce.
But this episode isn't just about highlighting the struggles; it's about sharing a personal journey of transformation as I have just done a year with no alcohol (completely unintentionally I might add!!) and through the journey in this episode, I share insights, tips, and personal anecdotes to hopefully maybe inspire some healthier healing habits as coping mechanisms.
Please do let me know if you enjoy it.
Thank you as always for listening.
P.S. if it may be helpful if anything in this episode triggers something for you.... x
https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/https://www.instagram.com/thedivorcechapter
THE DIVORCE BOOK CLUB IS HERE!
https://patreon.com/thedivorcebookclub
FREE Guide to the 10 MUST read divorce books after divorce
https://thedivorcebookclub.com/free-resources/ -
Welcome back to The Divorce Chapter podcast and let's dive into the New Year, a time often associated with resolutions. Not the "New Year, New You" BS… because there's absolutely nothing wrong with us as we are.
However, because this year started on a Monday, it kinda offered the perfect alignment of a new year, month, week, and day.
The "Fresh Start Effect" is a psychological phenomenon suggesting we're more motivated to pursue goals at the beginning of a new time period.
But after a divorce, it can feel like our whole world has crumbled. So, where do we even start in rebuilding it practically?
In this week's podcast episode, we delve into the "Wheel of Life" framework, breaking down our lives into different areas. By doing so, we can identify the steps needed to reach our desired destinations (or icing a great big chocolate cake!)
This isn't about fleeting resolutions forgotten by mid-January; it's about setting intentions to make this year a remarkable chapter…It's about writing the first sentence for the first page.
Hopefully (if the tech worked!!) here is a wheel of life template you can use with the episode; https://drive.google.com/file/d/1_LRdL8AZmkGF0hQ98NoCkR68hT8Ee1-t/view?usp=drive_linkhttps://www.instagram.com/thedivorcechapter
THE DIVORCE BOOK CLUB IS HERE!
https://patreon.com/thedivorcebookclub
FREE Guide to the 10 MUST read divorce books after divorce
https://thedivorcebookclub.com/free-resources/ -
Hey there, over here diving into Twixtmas and hoping you had a peaceful Christmas.
This time between the holidays is magical for reflection, and I've always loved it. Back when I was married, those days when the kids and the ex were away, and I had the house to myself – it was almost better than Christmas! But then 2012 hit, and after a horrendous Christmas, I walked out on 28 of December.
Unexpectedly, that became a blessing in disguise, and now, 11 years later, I want to share 11 key lessons I've learned.
Lessons Learned:
1. Being Rejected is Not the End
- I spent years fearing rejection, tying it to my worth. Turns out, rejection is redirection. It led me out of a toxic marriage into a happier life.
2. You Can't Change Other People:
- No matter how much I searched for reasons behind the divorce, I couldn't change him. People show who they are; my ex-husband was always going to be who he was.
3. Own Your Shit:
- The hardest lesson was owning my part, shifting from victim to taking responsibility. It's the third step in my Blossom Method.
4. Heal Before Dating:
- Jumping into the dating pool too soon led to ‘encounters’ with all sorts. It’s not a clear water dating pool….
5. No Need for External Validation:
- External validation used to be everything. Now, I've learned to find validation within, realizing I'm complete on my own.
6. Solo Holidays are Cool:
- Discovering the joy of holidaying alone was unexpected. Embracing independence and enjoying my own company turned out to be pretty amazing.
7. Knowing When to Throw Down the Anchor:
- Picture sailing through life, hit by a storm. Learning to throw down the anchor, finding stability amidst chaos, was a game-changer.
8. Trust Your Gut:
- Trusting my gut was a tough lesson. I knew something was off in my marriage, but I doubted myself (as did everyone else). Always trust your gut; it's been my compass ever since.
9. I love Sleeping Alone:
- Surprisingly, sleeping alone became a love affair. No snoring, no farting – just me and my abundant AF bed.
10. Divorce is Not Shameful:
- Overcoming the stigma attached to divorce was liberating. It's not shameful, and I won't let societal judgments define my journey.
11. Breath by Breath, Step by Step:
- Taking life one breath, one step at a time is how I moved forward after divorce. It's about showing up for yourself every day, gradually blossoming into the next chapter.
So, there you have it – 11 lessons from 11 years post-divorce. I'm grateful for the empowerment and contentment I've found. If you've got your own lessons or thoughts, shoot me a message. Let's keep this conversation going.
https://www.instagram.com/thedivorcechapter
THE DIVORCE BOOK CLUB IS HERE!
https://patreon.com/thedivorcebookclub
FREE Guide to the 10 MUST read divorce books after divorce
https://thedivorcebookclub.com/free-resources/ -
Last week, I went through the logistics of holiday planning post-divorce. However, dealing with a tricky ex and managing the emotional rollercoaster during the festive season is far from a dreamy cocktail.... definitely no Cosmo (or even a Snowball - who remembers them?!)
So this week, I'm exploring a bit about the mechanics of our nervous system and going through some practical techniques to stay calm, collected, and at peace when we might be triggered by our ex over Christmas.
I go through the basics of the sympathetic nervous system (and fight, flight, freeze) and then the parasympathetic nervous system, introducing the ventral vagal nerve.
Then I talk through some ways to get ourselves back to a safe place in our bodies when we are faced with a trigger and a trauma response, particularly from a challenging ex-partner.
So, techniques such as mindful breathing, humming, and VOO breathing.... as well as grounding techniques, and creating an anchor point.
The goal is to practice these strategies, preparing the body to respond to triggers in a way that promotes calmness and safety.
My aim is for you to have a peaceful, calm and even enjoyable Christmas after divorce.
Wishing you so much love for the festive season, wherever you are at, and thank you so very much, as always, for listening into the Divorce Chapter podcast
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