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âLovely weather we are havingâ. We love to point out to other people what we are all experiencing. It isnât just the weather that we state the obvious about. Anything is up for grabs in our bid to communicate.
Why do we state the obvious? Are we even aware that we are doing this? In this episode I explore what might be happening for us when we communicate this way, using the metaphor of tennis commentary. Thereâs a few of the greats that we meet along the way.
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(0.30) The arrival of the tennis season
(1.53) Martina Navratilova
(3.38) Stating the obvious
(4.25) Anxiety
(6.20) Learning and constructive criticism
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Procrastination. Itâs something we all find ourselves up against. But what if itâs more than being lazy or wanting to avoid something? In this episode I explore what might be going on for us when we drag our feet.
Donât be put off by the title. I do talk about my tax return, but to help us understand why we might be tripping ourselves up, not in a way thatâs going to send you to sleep â or at least I hope not!
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(0.25) Procrastination
(1.38) How you do anything is how you do everything, or not
(3.21) The repetition compulsion
(6.48) Asking for what we need
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Fehlende Folgen?
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Do we always know what makes us happy? Sometimes we do, and sometimes we donât. And sometimes our defence mechanisms can cause us to cut our noses off to spite our faces.
If youâve ever dug your heels in when a friend or relative has given you an opinion that you know is probably true, but you donât want to think about, then this episode is for you.
Here are the highlights of this episode
(1.40) Training lorry drivers
(2.20) Being competent doesnât necessarily make you happy
(4.11) Man with the hat
(6.08) Sometimes we donât know whatâs making us unhappy
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How many times have you been annoyed by other passengers getting in your way? Possibly more than you would like to admit? It happens to all of us and can have an impact on how we move forward, both literally and metaphorically. In this episode I explore whatâs going on for us in these situations and how we can get some control back.
Youâll be pleased to know that we are back in some familiar psychodynamic territory, transference and our old friends denial and rationalisation come out to play. Just in time for us to have a think about before our summer holidays.
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(3.06) Disruptive passengers in life
(6.00) Defence mechanisms and boundaries
(9.11) Moving forward and setting boundaries
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What is it like to be a parent of a child with autism? Whilst there is a lot more information out there than there used to be, it still can be quite a lonely place for parents. In this episode Iâm talking to fellow SEN parent, Del Parsons, about what we have learnt along the way and why we are best placed to advocate for our children.
Del is âThe No-Nonsense Business Coach and Marketing Mentorâ whoâs on a mission to give business owners and founders the skills, confidence and self-belief to market their business and sell their stuff in a way that feels good for them!
As well as being a coach and mentor Del also has a property portfolio and is part of an aviation business which she runs with her husband. Sheâs built businesses with 8 figure revenues for herself, as well as for clients, so can apply the lessons learnt across the board.
You can get in touch with Del at:
Website: Delparsonscoaching.co.uk
Email: [email protected].uk
LinkedIn: Del Parsons
Instagram: Delparsonscoaching
Facebook: Del Parsons
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(5.30) Relief at diagnosis
(10.35) The assumptions people make
(15.15) You know your child
(21.24) A bit of controversy
(34.10) Advocate for your child
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Iâm delighted to be welcoming another guest to the show today, fellow coach Kate Adey. We discuss what it means to be in control, how much control we do have and what role anxiety plays for us. Join us as we explore the narratives we construct for ourselves and how we can reframe our stories.
Kate works with leaders in professional services navigating the challenges of a busy career and home life, helping them reconnect with the freedom and flow of their true nature. You can connect with kate either via LinkedIn (linkedin.com/in/kateadey) or via email ([email protected].uk).
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(4.23) Beyond our limitations
(7.58) The illusion of not having control
(11.41) Byron Katie
(20.51) The link between anxiety and control
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Iâm delighted to be bringing another guest to the show today, Penny Hopkinson. Penny is an Operations Manual specialist and author of Manual Magic. Join us as we delve into the world of learning and discover why itâs changed so much over the generations.
Hereâs how you can get in touch with Penny:
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/pennyhopkinson
Everything under one âroof': www.linktr.ee/pennyhopkinson
Here are the highlights for this episode:
(2.22) 30% of global workforce under 30
(8.21) The single source of truth
(10.31) Five generations under one workplace
(30.01) The importance of consistency
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Today Iâm welcoming another guest to the show, Simon Bennett. Simon is a friend of mine, a fellow coach and is keen to bring the concept of kindness to our attention.
Simonâs coaching practice builds on his experience of leading teams in high pressure organisations. He is passionate about working with leaders to best navigate the challenges and opportunities of the modern working world.
Simon shares a home in London with his husband, and teaches Aikido, a Japanese martial art. Simon is an Affiliate member of the European Mentoring and Coaching Council.
Simon would love to hear any thoughts or feedback on the podcast, or any enquiries about working together in coaching. You can learn more about his work at www.sbennett.uk and email him at simon@sbennett.uk
Join us as we delve into what kindness means at home and at work, and how we can be more kind to ourselves and others.
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(5.16) Trying to fix the world to fix yourself
(10.14) Boundaries
(12.20) Authority structures
(14.35) Kindness in the workplace
(19.40) Everyone deserves to prioritise kindness for themselves
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This weekâs episode marks a special occasionâboth my birthday and the podcastâs one-year anniversary! Weâre exploring the dynamics of birthdays: what they mean to us, the expectations we place on them, and how they reveal our deeper unconscious patterns. Freud wasnât a fan of birthdays (except for the gifts!), and that got me thinking; how do we truly feel about getting older?
Plus, I share some reflections on personal growth, the stories we tell ourselves, and why birthdays can be a great moment to check in with where we are in life.
Iâm launching a new course, Psychodynamics for Beginners! Initially designed for coaches, but soon to be available for anyone curious about how psychodynamic theory can help them make better choices in their everyday lives. Click here for more info:
https://mailchi.mp/5344a338c710/psychodynamics-for-beginners
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(0.34) How Freud felt about birthdays
(2.40) Bridget Jones
(3.07) Are we where we want to be?
(6.21) How other people respond to our birthdays
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Why does silence make us uncomfortable? Weâve all been in those moments where the quiet stretches just a little too long, and we feel the need to fill it. But what if silence isnât empty at all? What if itâs one of the most powerful tools we have?
In this episode, we explore the impact of silence, when it serves us, when it doesnât, and how to use it to our advantage. Weâll also learn what Freud thought about it, why my son used it as a form of protest, and how silence can be both a gift and a weapon.
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(0.56) The paradox of silence on a podcast
(1.17) What I thought good listening was
(1.51) Silence as a response
(3.37) The silent treatment
(4.15) Freudâs take on silence
(6.49) Itâs always about the other person
New Training Course: Psychodynamics for Beginners
Iâm launching a new course designed to make psychodynamic theory accessibleâso weâre not just relying on social media soundbites to understand ourselves. Initially aimed at coaches, but soon available to a wider audience. If youâre interested, subscribe to my newsletter or book a chat with me for more details.
https://calendly.com/dynamicseverydaylife/30min
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In this episode, Iâm sharing a personal story about how my confidence took a hit, how I unknowingly held myself back, and what ultimately helped me rebuild my sense of self. Spoiler alert: it involves pole dancing, platform boots, and a whole lot of fun!
Weâll have a look at how our defence mechanisms get in our way and how they can subtly keep us stuck. Plus, Iâll invite you to reflect on where you might be self-sabotaging and what small (or big!) steps you can take to reclaim your confidence and joy.
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(1.40) The moment I realised my confidence had taken a knock
(2.10) The surprising impact of stepping out of my comfort zone (hello, pole dancing!)
(5.03) Building ourselves back up from adversity
(6.09) Why we can get over busy at times
My invitation for you to consider this week is where in your life are you holding yourself back? What stories are keeping you stuck? I encourage you to explore whatâs stopping you and to take one step, big or small, towards moving forwards.
If you enjoyed this episode, donât forget to subscribe, share, and leave a review. Iâd love to hear what your âfabulous bootsâ moment looks like!
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How often have you found yourself mid-story, only to realise youâve completely lost track of the point you were trying to make? Youâre not alone. Sometimes, our words take on a life of their own, and thereâs usually something deeper going on beneath the surface.
In this episode, I take a look at why I (and maybe you, too) sometimes talk in circles, what this has to do with defence mechanisms, and the unexpected realisation I had during a discovery call. Weâll also touch on why excitement isnât always excitement and how a simple question stopped me in my tracks.
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(0.27) Why do we verbally process?
(1.27) FOMO and panic
(3.15) The desire to connect
(5.32) The unexpected fear behind my excitement
(6.49) Denial and the link to reaction formation
Looking at ourselves at this level can feel unsettling, so take your time with it. And if youâd like extra support, Iâve put together a resource sheet to help. Youâll find the link below.
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Today Iâm delighted to welcome Gwenne Dickson, spiritual empowerment coach, to the show. Gwenne and I are tackling a subject that all of us will experience and yet so many of us find difficult; and thatâs grief. Join us as we talk about what we find surprising about the grieving process and how we can support each other during these times.
You can contact Gwenne at:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/livingyourbestlifegwenne
https://www.facebook.com/groups/35568229478
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/livingyourbestlife888/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gwenne-dickson/
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(4.40) Connecting with our higher selves
(8.20) Making meanings out of things
(10.20) Keeping a lot to ourselves
(16.20) The unexpected things
(20.40) Not allowing ourselves to move on
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Why do we wear shoes that hurt our feet? Weâve all been in the situation where weâve known that our choice of footwear isnât ideal, but we love how our shoes make us look and feel, so put up with the pain. Is this the only area of our lives that we do this, or can we see this elsewhere?
In this episode we explore what might be going on for us when we put on shoes (metaphorical or otherwise) that pinch our feet. Weâll also learn what Marilyn Monroe thinks and why I donât travel in heels anymore.
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(1.50) Travelling in heels
(3.36) Marilyn Monroe
(4.59) Denial
(5.10) Repression
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Itâs been famously said by Reed Hastings, CEO of Netflix, that Netflix is not a family. And work is not a family - unless of course you are the Carringtons in Dynasty or the Ewings in Dallas. However, are there some elements of family dynamics that get played out in our work environments?
In this episode we explore the phenomena of being drawn into work scenarios that remind us of our family of origin. We find out why we might want to shove some people off Waltons Mountain, how I agree with my mother-in-law and if we are going back to the DIY store for milk. And Barry from accounts makes a welcome return.
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(2.12) Who are we trying to convince?
(3.47) Being part of a system
(5.16) Sibling rivalry
(6.19) Transference
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Life isnât a fairy tale, yet we might have some fairy tale moments throughout our lives. What happens when we reach the conclusion of the fairy tale? Are we skipping off into the sunset or are we left with a mixed bag of conflicting and complex feelings not knowing what might be going on for us?
In this episode we explore some of the less talked about emotions that we experience once the fairy tale has ended. Weâll be staring anxiety in the face and exploring why guilt can be a stepping stone into the defence mechanisms. And Dorothy Parker also pops up amongst the fairy tale characters to help us make sense of our feelings. I bet thatâs something she never thought she would be doingâŠ
Here are the highlights for this episode:
(3.09) Do Cinderella and Prince Charming live happily ever after?
(3.30) Anxiety
(3.51) Guilt
(6.54) Questioning our own identity
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Most of us will have had the post break up haircut, or equivalent. That response to an event that has made us decide that something needs to change as we are no longer that person anymore. But why do we do this? Are we avoiding thinking about something that could actually help us move forward?
In this episode we explore what might be going on for us as we reach for the scissors, or throw out all our clothes. Weâll look at what defence mechanisms could be getting in our way and why we are feeling anxious. And why was I trying to look like a kids tv presenter?
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(2.23) Why do we decide on a post break up haircut?
(4.38) Denial
(6.04) Rationalisation
(6.44) Sublimation
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Itâs tempting to think that we should always be moving forward, that we must forever be making progress, no matter how slowly. And there is a lot of truth in that. Our defence mechanisms can tempt us to avoid looking at our behaviour with the promise that by continuing to move forward we will get to the promised land â whatever that might look like for us.
In this episode Iâll be inviting you to consider what defence mechanisms might have come out to play for you over the festive period and what they might be telling you. Roland Rat, Tufty the Squirrel (remember him?!) and A1 all join us along the way. Whatâs not to enjoy?
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(1.22) No ânew year, new meâ
(3.00) How did you feel when the OOO went on?
(4.24) Denial
(7.54) Regression
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Why do we feel alive around some people and like weâve been through the wringer when we are around others? Whatâs going on for us when some people lift us up and with others we can feel as if itâs they have dropped us from a great height? In this episode Iâm exploring whatâs going on from a psychodynamic perspective when we take on the energy of other people and consider ways that we can manage this so that we can feel better.
Along the way weâll meet the Grinch, the Dementors from Harry Potter, James Bond and Stan Wawrinka. Now that would be a night outâŠ
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(1.02) Feeling like the Grinch
(4.07) Recollections may vary
(5.12) Transference
(8.34) Projection
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How do we feel when someone makes a comment about us? There are probably times when we can brush it off and not think about it again, and there are others where we end up ruminating over it for days afterwards. But whatâs going on in the making of these comments? Are they just as innocuous as the person who made them (possibly) believes? Or is there something deeper at play here?
In this episode I put these comments under the psychodynamic spotlight to see if we can understand what is happening. We take a trip to Waltonsâ mountain and learn why these days Iâm more likely to be wearing glittery leggings instead of neon fruit print ones. Whatâs not to enjoy?
Here are the highlights of this episode:
(2.06) The mohair jumper scenario
(4.02) Defence mechanism bingo
(8.43) Awareness is key
(10.40) Setting boundaries
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