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In this episode of The Relaxed Male, we delve into the concept of aesthetic intimacy, exploring how aesthetics and intimacy intertwine in our lives. As part of a series on different types of intimacy, We discuss the importance of sharing beautiful experiences with loved ones, particularly spouses, to strengthen relationships. Aesthetic intimacy is about appreciating the beauty around us, whether it's a sunset, a piece of art, or a simple walk with a partner, and how these shared moments can enhance our connections.
Bryan shares personal anecdotes, such as visiting Sunset Cliffs with his family and dog, to illustrate how aesthetic experiences can bond people together. He emphasizes the significance of being intentional in recognizing beauty in everyday life and how this can prevent relationships from becoming mundane.
The episode also touches on the broader spectrum of intimacy, including physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual, and how aesthetic intimacy fits into this framework. Bryan argues that aesthetic intimacy is a subset of experiential intimacy, highlighting the need for both beauty and ugliness to appreciate life fully.
Listeners are encouraged to engage in aesthetic experiences with their partners, to "stop and smell the roses," and to embrace both the beautiful and challenging aspects of life. Bryan also introduces a 4-week challenge starting January 1st, aimed at helping men calm their inner disturbances and improve their relationships. -
In this week's episode, we delve into the concept of conflict intimacy, a crucial yet often overlooked aspect of relationships. Drawing inspiration from an article on Choose Therapy, we explore the ten different types of intimacy, focusing particularly on conflict intimacy and its significance in maintaining a healthy relationship.
Conflict intimacy, as discussed, is the ability to engage in and resolve conflicts constructively. It is essential for preventing relationships from becoming stagnant and for avoiding the "roommate syndrome." We revisit the various types of intimacy, including emotional, intellectual, spiritual, experiential, social, and creative, and discuss how conflict intimacy intertwines with these aspects.
We explore why many people, especially men, avoid conflict due to fears of emotional upheaval and potential negative outcomes, such as impacting sexual relationships. However, embracing conflict can lead to deeper understanding and connection, as it involves sharing emotions, thoughts, and experiences.
Drawing insights from experts like Dr. John Gottman and Jason Gaddis, we highlight the importance of conflict in fostering a thriving relationship. We discuss how discomfort is a necessary currency for achieving desired outcomes and how conflict can lead to personal growth and stronger bonds.
Listeners are encouraged to embrace conflict as a means of enhancing intimacy and communication with their partners. By understanding and practicing effective conflict resolution, couples can transform their relationships, creating a more fulfilling and connected partnership. -
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We are exploring the world of Creative Intimacy today
In this episode of The Relaxed Male, we delve into the concept of creative intimacy, one of the ten types of intimacy outlined by Choose Therapy. As we explore whether creative intimacy is a legitimate form of intimacy, I share my personal insights and invite listeners to form their own opinions.
Creative intimacy involves the ability to collaborate with your partner on creative projects, such as making music, writing, or crafting. It requires a shared vision and the willingness to navigate differences in approach and opinion. This process can strengthen your relationship by fostering communication and compromise.
Throughout the episode, I discuss the various types of intimacy, including physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, experiential, social, conflict, aesthetic, and work intimacy. Each type offers a unique way to connect with your partner, and creative intimacy is no exception.
While some may argue that creative intimacy is simply an extension of experiential intimacy, I believe it offers its own distinct challenges and rewards. By engaging in creative projects, couples can learn more about themselves and each other, ultimately enhancing their bond.
Join me as we unpack the nuances of creative intimacy and consider its role in building stronger relationships. Whether you're sculpting a clay bust or writing a book together, the creative process can be a powerful tool for connection. -
Host BrYan Goodwin, a certified coach, explores the ten different types of intimacy, focusing this week on social intimacy. He explains how social intimacy is essentially the connections we form with others, whether they are long-term relationships or brief interactions with acquaintances like a barista. Brian emphasizes the importance of maintaining these connections as we age, noting that societal changes and personal anxieties often hinder our ability to nurture friendships.
BrYan discusses the challenges men face in forming and maintaining friendships, highlighting the societal pressures and personal fears that often lead to loneliness. He stresses the importance of having a strong community pillar, referencing Jim Rohn's idea that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. By intentionally building a network of supportive friends, men can improve their mental, physical, and spiritual well-being.
The episode also touches on the significance of social intimacy within marriages. BrYan explains how couples often neglect this aspect of their relationship, leading to a lack of connection and intimacy over time. He offers practical advice on how to rekindle social intimacy with a partner, emphasizing the importance of communication and understanding.
Throughout the episode, BrYan encourages listeners to step out of their comfort zones and actively work on building and maintaining friendships. He provides actionable steps for improving social intimacy, both in friendships and romantic relationships, and offers coaching support for those seeking to enhance their personal connections.
Links
New Podcast 2.0 Apps - https://www.newpodcastapps.com
Coaching - https://wwww.relaxedmale.com/lovebirds -
In this episode of The Relaxed Male, we delve into the concept of experiential intimacy, a crucial yet often overlooked aspect of relationships. Experiential intimacy involves sharing and bonding over life experiences with your partner, which can significantly strengthen your relationship. We explore why these shared experiences are vital and how they act as the cement that holds relationships together.
Drawing inspiration from a Choose Therapy post on the ten types of intimacy, we focus on experiential intimacy and its importance in creating lasting bonds. We discuss how shared experiences, whether mundane or exciting, can enhance your connection with your spouse. From visiting museums to going on adventures, these activities can help maintain the bond that might weaken over time if not nurtured.
We also provide practical tips on how to cultivate experiential intimacy. Whether it's going on a new adventure, trying out a couple's retreat, or simply volunteering together, these activities can bring you closer to your partner. Even individual trips can contribute to this intimacy by providing new stories and experiences to share.
Join us as we explore the significance of experiential intimacy and how it can transform your relationship, helping you live life intentionally with your partner. Tune in to learn more about how to strengthen your relationship through shared experiences.
LINKS
Questions that will Spark a conversation - https://www.relaxedmale.com/askquestionsIf you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
- https://www.relaxedmale.com/lovebirds
Take The Next Step -
In this week's episode of The Relaxed Male, we delve into the concept of spiritual intimacy, continuing our exploration of the ten different types of intimacy as outlined by Choose Therapy. Having previously discussed emotional and intellectual intimacy, we now turn our attention to understanding each other's spiritual journeys. This episode challenges the notion of being spiritual without being religious and explores how spiritual beliefs can impact relationships.
Host Bryan Goodwin shares his personal insights and struggles with the topic, emphasizing the importance of discussing spiritual beliefs with your partner. He highlights how spiritual intimacy can strengthen a relationship, even when partners have differing beliefs. Through personal anecdotes and thoughtful reflections, Brian encourages listeners to engage in open conversations about spirituality, respect differing beliefs, and find common ground.
The episode also touches on the significance of traditions and rituals in fostering spiritual intimacy, offering practical advice on how to honor and serve each other in a spiritual sense. Bryan underscores the value of curiosity and understanding in building stronger connections, not just with partners, but with family and community as well.
Listeners are invited to reflect on their own spiritual journeys and consider how they can enhance their spiritual intimacy with loved ones. Bryan offers coaching services for those seeking to improve their relationships and invites listeners to connect with him for further guidance. -
In this episode of The Relaxed Male, host Bryan Goodwin delves into the concept of intellectual intimacy, exploring its significance in relationships. Building on last week's discussion on emotional intimacy, Bryan questions whether intellectual intimacy is a genuine form of connection or simply a modern construct. He shares insights from various sources, including a book on the pillars of marriage and a website listing ten types of intimacy, to understand this concept better.
Bryan explains that intellectual intimacy involves respecting and valuing each other's thoughts and insights. He emphasizes that this form of intimacy is often the first to diminish in relationships, leading to internal arguments and a lack of respect for a partner's ideas. Brian encourages listeners to stop these mental debates and instead engage in open discussions with their partners, allowing for a deeper understanding and appreciation of each other's perspectives.
The episode highlights the importance of intellectual intimacy in fostering curiosity, enhancing communication, and building a richer, more fulfilling relationship. Brian offers practical advice on how to cultivate this intimacy, such as engaging in discussions, asking questions, and learning something new together. He also provides a resource with 800 questions to help couples explore each other's thoughts and beliefs.
Bryan concludes by inviting listeners to share their thoughts on improving relationships and encourages them to reach out with questions or comments. He also asks for feedback on what listeners would like to know to enhance their relationships, aiming to tailor future content to their needs.
Help me by answering question
https://www.relaxedmale.com/helpme -
In this week's episode of The Relaxed Male, host Bryan Goodwin delves into the complex world of emotional intimacy. Bryan, a certified men's coach, shares his journey of understanding intimacy better to help men improve their relationships. He introduces the concept of emotional intimacy, distinguishing it from physical intimacy, and explains its importance in a healthy marriage. Bryan discusses the various types of intimacy, including intellectual, spiritual, experiential, social, creative, conflict, aesthetic, and work intimacy, and announces a 10-week series to explore each type in detail.
Bryan emphasizes the significance of emotional intimacy in marriage, describing it as the ability to express feelings, both positive and negative, and to receive them with understanding. He challenges the notion of emotional validation, arguing that individuals must understand and express their own emotions rather than seeking validation from others. Brian shares personal anecdotes and insights, highlighting the common struggles men face in achieving emotional intimacy and offering practical advice on how to overcome these challenges.
Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own relationships and consider how they can improve their emotional intimacy with their partners. Bryan invites feedback and comments from the audience, fostering a community of men striving for better relationships and personal growth. Join Brian on this enlightening journey to discover the depths of emotional intimacy and its impact on your marriage.
Show notes- https://www.relaxedmale.com/what-in-the-world-is-emotional-intimacy/
Dont forget to help me see what I may have forgot and tell me what you would like to know that would help your relationship.
https://www.relaxedmale.com/helpme -
In this episode of The Relaxed Male, we delve deep into the complexities of conflict, particularly in relationships, where disagreements often escalate into more significant issues. I emphasize the importance of addressing these conflicts rather than avoiding them, as avoiding uncomfortable discussions can lead to resentment and unresolved feelings. I explain that conflict itself is not inherently negative but rather an opportunity for growth and understanding if handled correctly.
As a certified men's coach, my mission is to help men escape the cycle of being a "nice guy," which often leads to self-sacrifice and relationship struggles. I focus on how men can learn to express their emotions constructively instead of resorting to avoidance or silence. Understanding that emotions are simply vibrations within the body can empower individuals to engage more genuinely with their partners.
Throughout the episode, I outline what constitutes conflict, explaining that it often stems from differing thoughts about a shared experience – like a movie that one person loved and the other despised. Recognizing that these differing opinions are neutral circumstances until we assign meaning to them can shift the way we approach disagreements. I encourage listeners to be mindful of their thoughts during conflicts, as these thoughts shape the emotions we experience, which in turn dictate our actions and reactions.
I highlight various conflict responses, including avoidance and anxiety, emphasizing the need for intention and awareness in navigating disagreements. By reframing our approach to conflict, we can allow our emotional minds to pause, think rationally, and respond appropriately. I introduce the concept of the "model," which illustrates that our feelings stem from our thoughts, not the actions of others, allowing men to take ownership of their emotional journeys.
Additionally, I discuss the importance of understanding our spouses' perspectives during conflicts. I introduce the "four pillars of effective communication," derived from the teachings of Tony Overbay. These pillars stress the importance of not assuming ill intentions, recognizing emotions, seeking to understand before being understood, and avoiding victimhood in discussions. I explain that by adhering to these principles, men can navigate conversations more effectively, leading to healthy resolutions rather than destructive fights.
The episode culminates in practical strategies for being present during conflicts. I advocate for being intentional about how we show up in our relationships, as well as the necessity for reflection after conflicts to analyze what went wrong or right. This self-awareness will lead to personal growth and improve interactions with our partners over time.
For those who resonate with these insights and seek further guidance, I invite listeners to reach out for one-on-one coaching sessions aimed at fostering stronger, healthier relationships. Ultimately, the episode reinforces that conflict is a natural part of relationships, and how we handle it can either strengthen our bonds or create distance. As I wrap up, I encourage listeners to share their reflections and insights from this episode with friends or family, as the journey of becoming better partners is one worth sharing. -
In episode 240 we dive deep into the common issue of 'roommate syndrome' in marriages. Bryan addresses the fading spark that many couples experience after years of being together. He explores whether it's possible to rekindle a marriage and offers practical steps to reignite the passion.
Bryan discusses the importance of honesty—not just factual, but emotional honesty—and how to communicate effectively without overwhelming your partner. He emphasizes the need for thoughtful gestures, such as writing love letters and understanding your partner's love languages, to show that you care.
Curiosity plays a crucial role in building a strong emotional connection. Bryan advises getting genuinely interested in your partner's likes and dislikes to foster better communication and intimacy. He also highlights the significance of paying attention to your thoughts, as they can shape your emotions and actions, ultimately affecting your relationship.
Bryan shares personal anecdotes and practical tips, like the '6 by 6 rule' for hugs, to help couples reconnect physically and emotionally. He stresses the importance of intentional actions and continuous effort to maintain a fulfilling marriage.
Whether you're dealing with minor disagreements or major conflicts, Bryan provides insights on how to navigate these challenges and come out stronger. Tune in to learn how to transform your marriage and live a life on your terms. -
Marriage is an adventure. If you don’t look at it as such then you run the risk of falling into a deep pit much like I did with Pitfall Harry. Marriage is not easy and in the early days can be wrought with lots of emotions and struggles. This is why so many marriages fail before reaching the 10-year mark. You first struggle with the idiosyncracies of the girl you dated. You noticed odd things you at first thought were cute habits of her being weird but now you are questioning if you can put with it her till the end of time. Why is she complaining that you leave clothes on the floor while her makeup has invaded your bathroom sink?
There is a lot to marriage for sure. The funny part is that finding out how to divi up the chores is the least of the problems. That is because eventually kids get introduced and your way of life, for a short bit, is upended by the demands of a little life that depends on you to stay alive. Old habits and sometimes dreams get shuffled and relegated to the back burner as you adjust fire.
Then on top of all this, you have to try to remember that your wife is still your girlfriend. Yeah, you see her in all her glory of just waking up and with breath that bubbles the paint on the doorjamb. You see her in times of immense vulnerability and she sees you in times of when you aren’t the most romantic. Yeah, the random Dutch ovens are funny. There are those times when you and her cling together as you all try to support each other in uncertainty. You divide and conquer the changing of the bed right after your son says he doesn’t feel good and erupts half-digested food across your legs while you are readying yourself for bed.
So how do you keep the marriage alive and connected? We have discussed ways to keep a marriage connected but what are some of the more common pitfalls that can drain a marriage of its life? What do you not want to do if you don’t want your marriage to fade and become another statistic? Here are 9 Pitfalls that will remove respect honor and trust from any marriage.
The Victim Mindset
If you have listened to or read anything from this site, you know that victims receive no respect, and rightfully so. Yeah, that sounds harsh until you are trying to repeatedly pick up a victim. Then you realize that they will not take responsibility for their part in the current disaster they are in. The blame is always passed it is never their fault. It is one crisis after another. over and over again. The victim comes running wanting you to fix the problem, then pump their damaged ego up, and be thankful that they chose you to do the work.
Now imagine if this was your spouse or worse it is you. You are supposed to be the head of the household and here you are passing the buck like you are the 5-year-old. The victim takes energy and vitality away from those around them. They don’t take action to keep the problem from happening again. They just stand there looking to blame someone for the fact that they arrived in the same predicament as before.
The victim is a taker. They take the energy drive of their target. They throw away their own self-respect and expect everyone else to prop them up. Stay out of the victim mindset. all that does is send you to the bottom of the trash heap.
Stonewalling
Many times our wife will say something to us that will hurt our feelings. Yes, your wife is very good at creating thoughts that will hurt your feelings. The choice that you have with this is how are you going to respond. Many times she will nag you. This nagging will create thoughts that you are failing at keeping your word or not being responsible. Those thoughts will create feelings of shame and your action will be to shut down and not say anything. That lack of talking is stonewalling. It works, you can just not interact with your wife. That lack of interaction gets her frustrated enough that she just stops nagging you and goes and does something else. Mission accomplished right? Is that action really getting you the results you truly want?
Stonewalling will create frustration in your wife. She may start to believe that you don’t care about her. You do not want to connect with her anymore She will start to feel isolated and then her mind starts to run and that is where the emotions and thoughts can really cause some damage.
Not communicating with your wife doesn’t fix anything. Yeah she was bugging you, but why go in the opposite direction of what you actually want? You claim you want to have a stronger relationship with your wife. So why push her away? You know how to alleviate the nagging that she does. Yes, you can do what she asks, but there is a better way. Talk with her. Have conversations with your wife. Not only in the intense times but also in the down times. Stonewalling keeps you away from her more than it keeps her away from you.
Believing you can control another person
When we are married we want to think that the relationship is going to be great. That is until our spouse does something that we find irritating. Then we would like them to stop. We may wish that they do more of something that we do like. Whatever action we would like our spouse to perform sadly isn’t in our hands. it is up to them to do so. You can’t control them. You can try to manipulate or coerce your wife to do something but is it better if she does it from her own will or yours? I can guarantee that it feels better to you when she does that from her own accord and not from your will
Trying to make your spouse happy
Now this is something you will hear many women state about their man. He doesn’t make me happy. The same thing happens with men too, except we don’t voice it as often. We get resentful because our spouse isn’t controllable. We just want our wives to make us happy yet they fail at it all the time.
However, if you pay attention you will see that your wife struggles with her own happiness. So why would you put your happiness in the hands of someone who struggles with making even themselves happy? This is why one of the best gifts you can give your wife is the absolution of her responsibility to make you happy. Let her know that isn’t her responsibility anymore. She doesn’t have to struggle with it anymore. You will take on that responsibility.
Now she will still have her own thoughts about that declaration and not fully understand it at first. However, she will grasp that you aren’t seeing another woman and that you are taking your happiness into your own hands and not playing the victimanymore.
Not Being Curious
Sadly we stop being curious about our spouse and the late-night talks of random things start to fade. Why? because we stop being curious. We stop wondering about our wife and her thoughts. If you want a strong powerful connected relationship. you have to keep being curious. not blaming but actual curiosity about where she is coming from on a particular action. Why something is as important to her as it is. Letting her say why instead of just believing you know why will fix the hanging dread of disconnection.
Dropping Date Night
When we are dating our wife we set up date nights we make them fun and exciting. They end in romantic romps in bed. That last part is when we want so much so that we know that we are doing good. The problem is that we stop with the work that results in the romps. If you want to have more sex you have to woo your wife and we often stop treating our wife as our girlfriend and that is easy to alleviate when you change how you are looking at your wife.
Being able to laugh
Why have we as men stopped being light-hearted? Why does everything have to be so darn serious? What if you let up on the seriousness a little and allowed yourself to laugh in front of your wife and kids? What if you took things just a little less seriously?
When you can get your wife to smile and laugh because you are being a goofball she can relax and is open to connecting more.
Taking words too seriously
As mentioned before you are going to hear thoughts from your wife that you’ll take personally and these will cause you to feel ashamed embarrassed frustrated or more. This is because you chose to take what she said personally. She may have called yo lazy or worse but you can choose to agree with the statement or not agree and let the pain that comes with those words not even come close to hitting you..
Leaving a disagreement unfinished.
In times of conflict, it can seem that words and thoughts are flung around like axes and bullets. Even though they can’t cause any harm we will allow the thoughts to keep us disconnected. We will pull away the connections we have with our wife. And often sulk to our corner instead of finding a solution no matter how scary it may appear and talking it out till we have a solution, That resolution is important to allow us to reconnect and grow from our experience
Many wonderful times allow you to look at your marriage with fondness. There are times that we also look at our spouse with a thought that is short of fondness. When we do that start looking at when you stopped dating your wife and when you all stop talking. Find a way that you can bring that marital spark back. It’s not too late. You just have to start taking action
If you would like to take your marriage from eggshells to excitement Please take the Next Step and sign up for a free consulting session. -
When we have topics of discussion with other people there are times that we may mess up and we start to say words that we don't mean and try to intentionally inflict pain upon the other person. We just are caught up in our emotions and trying to inflict pain on each other. When we are actively trying to destroy the trust and connection we have, the hope of having a better connection is gone. We fall into victim mindsets and fight because we see the conflict at hand being a matter of life or death. How do you stop the emotional destruction that is being inflicted on both parties? One way to do that is to have a do-over.
When is it good to have a do-over?
When you see that you are going into panic mode.You see that you have made a huge misstep and said something you instantly regret (ie 97% rule)When the participants are moving to their perspective corners for battle.When you see that the conflict of ramping up.Something was misunderstood and you have a better way to say it.What is a do-over?
It is when you stop a discussion and ask to try again
When you are having an argument or a normal discussion that is wearing into territory that is going to be a fight or you realize that you said something that isn't helping the situation at all. You stop the discussion and politely as if YOU can have a do-over.
Why is a do-over good for a relationship?
Shows you are trying to do better.
You are attempting to better how you communicate. YOu are wanting to take responsibility for what you say
How do you implement a do-over?
The moment you realize that your discussion isn't going in the direction of having a better connection you have misstepped and want to try again you can stop the discussion and try once more.
If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Take The Next Step -
Bryan recounts how he had been neglecting to mow his lawn in his small town. He previously had someone mowing it for him, but that arrangement fell through. The city eventually sent a notice about his overgrown lawn, and his wife was told it would cost $400 to have the city mow it. Bryan initially reacted with anger and fell into a victim mindset.
As he reflects on the situation, Bryan realizes he is making excuses and playing the victim. He acknowledges that he hadn't been trying hard to find a replacement lawn service and recognizes that mowing the lawn himself could actually be beneficial for his health. He discusses how others in town were complaining about the situation, which leads him to contemplate why people feel the need to mow their lawns and societal expectations.
The host then describes his shift in perspective, seeing the situation as an opportunity for physical activity and self-improvement. He plans to be more intentional with his time and make changes to his routine. Bryan emphasizes the importance of processing emotions and not staying in a negative mindset, encouraging listeners to step up to challenges rather than avoiding them.
Relating the lawn mowing situation to broader relationship issues, Bryan stresses the importance of putting effort into relationships to keep them strong. He promotes a 3-month coaching program aimed at helping men improve their relationships.
The episode concludes with Bryan encouraging listeners to share the podcast and avoid the victim mindset. He mentions upcoming live recordings and new ways to access the podcast. The overall message of the episode is about recognizing and overcoming the victim mindset, taking responsibility for one's actions, and using challenges as opportunities for personal growth and relationship improvement.If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Take The Next Step -
Why even have a stronger connection?
Better conflict resolution - You will have conflicts and those conflicts can be making or breaking points for your relationship.
More trust - When you both know you will not take everything said personally then the trust starts to form.
More intimacy -Us guys do like our sexy time
Better connections
It is not personal, it is just someone sharing what they are thinking with the other person. It isn't real it is just a thought. Thoughts aren't as scary as you would like to believe.
It’s not life and death. It is just talking and at times with the volume turned up a bit.
Stop managing the other person's emotions That destroys trust
It’s ok if they get upset it is their emotions that were created by their own thoughts.
Understand that you and your spouse are just sharing thoughts.
https://alchemy-of-love.com/expert-relationship-advice/how-to-communicate-relationship
Ask questions - How else are you going to learn about your wife?
Stop trying to be vulnerable with her and just be present - She doesn't want your emotional weaknesses. She wants you to be strong for her and the kids.
If she asks how you feel tell her, but don’t just throw it all at her for her to try to sort out
How do you have better connections?
How you have better connections isn’t as easy as just doing it you have to work on your thoughts and get your thoughts and beliefs in order. Because if you don't then you will find yourself in a battle instead of having a discussion that will make your connections stronger. When you are able to have the hard uncomfortable discussions your wife will come to understand you better and you will understand her better too. Then the strength of the connection grows and the marriage that you have wanted from the beginning will start to appear. But it will never happen till you start working on yourself. That takes the next step.If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Take The Next Step -
In this episode of The Relaxed Male, host and certified men's coach Brian Goodwin delves into the character of Peter Keating from Ayn Rand's novel, The Fountainhead. Peter Keating epitomizes the 'nice guy' who struggles with self-identity and decision-making, always seeking approval from others rather than living life on his own terms. Brian discusses how Keating's actions and associations lead to his downfall, contrasting him with the novel's protagonist, Howard Roark, who remains steadfast in his ideals and vision.
Brian explores the broader implications of Keating's character for men today, emphasizing the pitfalls of people-pleasing and the importance of living authentically. He draws parallels between Keating's career in architecture and the challenges men face in their personal and professional lives when they fail to assert their own ideas and values.
The episode also touches on the dynamics between Keating and other characters, such as his manipulative mother, his genuine but ultimately neglected girlfriend Catherine Halsey, and his complex relationship with Dominique Francon. Brian uses these relationships to illustrate the consequences of not standing firm in one's beliefs and the impact it has on personal growth and success.
Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own lives and consider whether they are living authentically or merely seeking approval from others. Brian offers practical advice and coaching opportunities for men who want to break free from the 'nice guy' syndrome and build more fulfilling relationships and careers.If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Take The Next Step -
Clues that your relationship is failing
Dreading going homeFighting over little stuffEntertaining the idea of divorceYou may be intentionally spending time apart.Little to no sexYou are blaming the other person for your unhappinessLack of TImeMarried for the wrong reasonsMaterial ItemsLooking to the pastEnding The Relationship
Why you might end the relationship
When you have one or more of the three A’s
These are the key points that trust falls apart so much that it can destroy any chance of reconciliation
AbuseAddictionAffairWhen there is no benefit to the relationship anymore
There has been too much damageThe emotional tank is completely emptyNo communicationExpectations are too highMany times relationships run their course.
Going down different life pathsLack of TIme
Married for the wrong reasons
Material Items
Looking to the past
Marriage.com
Why do you hold on
So I want your relationship to end?
For the other person's Benefit
When Hold on to a relationship?
You both are willing to work on the relationship
Money isn't a reason for splitting up unless it is from the 3 A's
lIf you believe your life will be better with another person
It wont
Leaving to teach them a lesson
In this episode of The Relaxed Male, we delve into the complex and often painful topic of when a relationship ends. Host Brian Goodwin, a certified men's coach, discusses the signs and reasons why relationships may come to an end and explores the critical moments when a relationship might need to end versus when it can be saved.
Brian emphasizes the importance of recognizing the warning signs that a relationship is in trouble, such as constant fighting over trivial matters, lack of communication, and the dreaded 'roommate syndrome.' He also highlights the significance of understanding one's own role in the relationship's dynamics and taking responsibility for personal actions.
The episode also covers the three major deal-breakers in a relationship: abuse, addictions, and affairs, and why these issues often lead to the end of a relationship. Brian provides insights into how to handle these situations and the importance of trust and communication in maintaining a healthy relationship.
Additionally, Brian discusses the importance of living life with intention and how intentional actions and thoughts can help in saving a relationship. He offers practical advice on how to rebuild a relationship by improving communication and understanding each other's needs.
Whether you're struggling in your current relationship or just want to understand more about the dynamics of relationships, this episode provides valuable insights and practical advice to help you navigate these challenging situations.If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Take The Next Step -
We go through emotions hourly. Those emotions correlate with the different thoughts that we have. It is said that we have around 60,000 thoughts a day. That means that we have around 60,000 emotions a day. Now incorporate the 50-50 principle and you have half of your thoughts are gonna be good thoughts because they generate good emotions and the other half are gonna be bad thoughts that generate bad emotions.
Many many times we struggle with negative emotions. We avoid those negative emotions. We get angry or frustrated because we have a thought that we don’t wanna have and so we feel bad about that which causes us to have those negative emotions that pile onto other negative emotions, unlike algebra two negatives don’t make a positive.
Because we avoid the negative emotions, we don’t allow those emotions to have their moment and because of that those emotions get stuffed down they get tucked away. This is where we get so many of our assorted problems cropping up. People who experience emotions, but don’t know how to handle those emotions. For instance, men who have decided they’re not supposed to cry, often take a lot longer to grieve the loss of a loved one. They don’t approach The problems from the same direction because they are too busy, avoiding feeling negative.
So what are emotions? Why is it important to process those emotions? And how do you process those emotions? 
What are emotions?
In a nutshell, emotions are vibrations that are felt throughout your body. Sometimes those vibrations are pleasant other times those vibrations are unpleasant. This is what makes a positive emotion and negative emotion; it’s just how they vibrate within your body.
So you have a thought that generates a sensation that is felt through your body. This is why your thoughts create your emotions.
Why is it important to process one’s Emotions?
When you don’t process those emotions, you end up reacting to the emotions unintentionally. When you are processing the emotions, you’re experiencing the emotion you’re going through the emotional life cycle, which only lasts one to two minutes.
Many people struggle with the reaction to how short emotions are because they don’t realize that they are in thought loops that extend the pain of that emotion.
Yet when we process those emotions, we experience the emotion and then the emotion fades. Now, yes, that emotion may come back because we have that same thought again but the strength as to what that emotion is is nowhere near as powerful as it was the first time. And each time you process the motion, it becomes a little more easier to experience. It’ll never go away, and we wouldn’t want it to go away. Because our emotions are what make humans human.
When do you Process emotions?
You can process emotions anywhere. I often recommend people start learning how to process their emotions while in their living room sitting on the couch so they can put their full focus into what they are experiencing. That way you understand what thoughts you’re having that are creating the emotions you can describe the emotion and give the emotion a name.
Yet the best time to process any emotion is when you realize you were feeling it. You feel sadness. It’s best to go ahead and process the motion then or first place where it’s safe to do so processing anger or fear when you notice that you’re feeling a bad emotion. Go through the process and experience that emotion. Let that emotion live its lifespan which is not long at all.
How do you process an emotion?
Processing emotions is very simple. You just have to be able to understand when you’re experiencing an emotion. Many times I will experience an emotion and not realize it. This is the reason why we buffer so much. We buffer because there’s an emotion that crops up that we don’t want to experience so we turn to drugs or alcohol or video games or Food or porn because we don’t want to experience some emotion. It might be the emotion of rejection or the emotion of boredom. These are two of the bigger reasons that we buffer. These are based out of fear, all others can be based on other emotions.
To process an emotion and notice that it’s happening, the first thing to do is give it a name. Are you feeling sadness? Are you feeling bored? Are you feeling anger, jealousy, powerlessness? What is the emotion that you are feeling?
Describe where you feel that emotion. Is it on your head? Is the sensation on top of your head? Is it felt on your shoulders or on top of your shoulders? Maybe behind your shoulders? Is the emotion felt down your back or between your shoulder blades? Maybe it is off to one side or is it in your chest? Is the emotion felt in your chest, or in your stomach? Maybe you are feeling the emotion in your knees or in your thighs? Where in your body are you feeling? The emotion the most? Where do you feel that Vibration is strongest? 
Then pretend that you’re able to hold that emotion in your hands. Now start describing that emotion physically. Does it feel heavy, does it feel light? Does that emotion have a texture? Like sandpapery or scaly or is it glass smooth? Is it hot or is it cold? Is it somewhere between dense or light and fluffy? These are all aspects of an emotion that you can learn to look at so that you can fully experience that emotion as you go.
If you are struggling with naming the emotion, there is an app that can provide a lot of insight into the type of emotion you are feeling.
Take The Next Step
You can have your relationship dreams come true.
You can by taking the next step. You can have a relationship that is fun, loving, and fulfilling. You can have late nights of curiosity-fueled talks. All this is possible when you get coached.
Right now I am making a very special offer that will only last for a limited time. If you are interested in Getting coached for 95% off Then sign up quickly cause the space is limited and they are filling fast.
TAKE THE NEXT STEP
If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Take The Next Step -
If you want to have a better relationship you have to improve yourself. How are you going to help inspire those around you to be better people if you aren’t willing to improve yourself? We all have the ability to influence those who are around us. Jim Rohn said it best. You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. So it stands to reason that those people will also have you as part of their average.
When it comes to our relationships, being able to improve ourselves is crucial. Our relationships are important. However, their times when relationships come to an end or we do something that creates strive in that relationship. No relationship is perfect, but we can strive to get better with every interaction with other people.
No matter if it is from a fight with your wife or you are going through the loss of a breakup. If you want the best out of the relationship and your life, you can’t just sit on your laurels. You have to be willing to work toward an ultimate goal. That goal could be a stronger relationship. A better means of communication. You may decide you want to have a more, secure connection with your spouse.
How are you supposed to improve your relationship? Anytime our relationship gets a bit rocky, maybe we have some type of disagreement or other types of conflict, and our connection with that person breaks down. How do we repair that damage? Can we even repair that damage?
The answer is yes, you can repair a relationship. You can make a relationship stronger. But it takes effort from you.
Now you may wonder why I am putting all the weight on you instead of you and your spouse. That is because you can’t control your spouse. The only person you have control over is you. So how do you start having better connections with your spouse in particular And other people as a whole?
Work on the basics
as with everything in life, if you have a breakdown of a system, the best thing to do is to go back to the basics. Get simple before you get complex. So for you being a guy wanting to have a better connection with your wife, the best place to start is with the four pillars of The Relaxed Male.
Your 4 pillars
I have talked about the four pillars of The Relaxed Male many times. Because they are crucial for a well-balanced man in any scenario that he may face in today’s world. The basics of the four pillars allow you to become well-rounded and is a good foundation for you to start any self-improvement.
Man's Mind
You are nothing if you do not have your mind. This is why improving how you think. Improving how you approach your world is all based on what you know.
Many men stop reading stop learning and stop growing shortly after they get out of college. They believe they know all that they need to know they’ve hated reading and have such a stigma on learning that they don’t have anything to do with picking up another book for a very long time.
That is a huge detriment to us men. We need to be learning new skills. We need to keep our minds active. Whether that is through hobbies or whatever is currently troubling us your mind is the only way you’re going to grow as a person.
Realizing when you’re doing stuff that is uncomfortable and being OK with that discomfort is needed almost as much as food. The price for your dreams and aspirations is the discomfort.
So how do you learn new stuff? A lot of that is through Books. Reading about a topic you are interested in or a challenge you’re facing allows for you to get a better insight to what you want to accomplish. Do you get better results when you are willing to read and educate yourself?
Besides books, there are plenty of other means of learning in today’s world. From Podcasts like the one you are listening to now to conferences to meetups the phrase where there’s a will, there’s a way is no more evident now than ever all you have to do is decide you want to learn.
Man's Body
The man’s body is your health. That old adage if you don’t have your health, you’ve got nothing into a lot of you being able to have that self-improvement that you’re wanting. If you want to have a stronger connection with your wife, nothing like getting in shape. If you want to have, the ability to show her you can’t protect her and your family from the bad guys. You have to be able to have endurance. You get endurance from exercise. Do you want to show your wife that you’re going to be around for the long haul? That is you get regular exercise and eat right.
Man's Soul
What is your calling? What is your purpose? These are often meant as the same thing for, what feeds your soul?  men need a purpose to get out of bed. Men who are listless, angry, lost don’t have a purpose, or they have lost their purpose. Yet we need these drivers to ensure that our lives will be fulfilled. Our lives often become empty when we don’t have a sense of purpose.
Man's Community
This is the most important pillar that us men need to focus on. This is what allows us to work harder love deeper and have stronger connections with other people.
This Band of Brothers helps you become a better Man. They help you by sharing their lives with you. You acquire a better sense of masculinity when you are around other men regularly.
Other points that help
Well, the four pillars of Relaxed mail are great and they are a good foundation to have their other things you wanna do that help you improve your relationships by helping you improve yourself.
Failure is good
Know that anything you try is going to have the possibility of failing. We shy away from failure because it doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t give us a good sense of pride. It doesn’t shine a good light on our ability.
However, we learn from failure. We learn better ways of living our life when we fail at it. We learn what type of relationships we want as opposed to what relationships we don’t want. We learn what it takes to have a strong connected family that growing up from time to time. You can’t be a good friend to other men without offending them and saying things that they don’t agree with at different times.
Failure offers you the opportunity to grow learn and improve. It’s actually better to fail several times before you have success than to have immediate success. This is because you now understand why that success feels so good.
Pay attention to your ruminations
What is it you’re thinking of? When you face a problem and you have a failure what are you thinking about? That is what’s holding you back. Pay attention to what you are ruminating over. When you do, you can start understanding what thoughts you need to interrupt.
Get Better at Having Disagreements
We are going to have disagreements with our spouses, our relatives, and our friends from time to time. The key to having a strong connected relationship is actually knowing how to have disagreements and not having them mean whatever you make them mean.
Whenever you have a disagreement and you can accept that your spouse, your kids, your friend, your boss, or someone on the street has a different view. You can actually come to understand them better and more fully by having disagreements with them. Doesn’t mean you go around trolling other people for the sake of trolling, but when you have open and honest discussions about disagreements, you grow from that experience.
Don’t run from discomfort. Don’t run from the awkwardness of having a disagreement the emotions that you feel are strictly from the thoughts that you have.
Get A Coach
One way you can have a better relationship is also by getting a coach. They can help you step through the discomfort and the thoughts that you have that are keeping you from having the relationship you want.
If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Take The Next Step -
We all experience pain at one time or another. Pain can be a physical sensation from a Papercut or it could be from an emotion. The pain that I am talking about today is emotional pain. The feeling that we get from the emotions that we don’t like. Emotions, for instance, powerlessness, frustration, fear, uncertainty, insecurity, humiliation, lost, are often viewed as painful and are often avoided.
These emotions and more similar to them are unpleasant to experience. Often when we feel these emotions, we want to hide from them. We want to buffer or indulge in some other activity than what we really need to be doing. It’s easier to avoid feeling these uncomfortable emotions. Nobody likes feeling lost or feeling anxious about something that they’ve never done before. Yet we’re always doing something new. We’re going to have to feel that anxiety if we want to get anything done.
Many people want to know how to you get past the emotional pain in their life. The answer is simple, but the work is not easy.
Life is 50% pain and 50% pleasure.
Life incorporates the 50/50 principle. 50% of our life is going to be a pleasure. It’s gonna be great. Those emotions are gonna be wonderful. We’re gonna be on top of the world. As we feel these emotions we are gonna be happy and fulfilled. The other 50% of the time we’re going to be in some form of emotional pain. A lot of people don’t like the fact that there is so much pain in their life So much so that they actually would rather try to bargain the ratio to be 80% happiness and 20% pain. Sadly that just shows how much we resist the thought of our life not going perfectly.
No matter how much you resist, you’re going to have pain. Then you add the fact that you’re using more energy to resist that pain which only amplifies the pain. Also, you’re doubling the experience because you worry about the pain. You can see how pain can be such a problem. If you don’t know how to manage that emotional pain it can become tremendous. you also see why so many people become overwhelmed simply because they resist and avoid the pain in their lives.
So how do you handle the painful portions of life?
The way you handle and manage the painful portions of your life is that you allow the pain to be experienced. That sounds scary. I get it. However when you allow the pain to be felt and you’re not resisting or avoiding it by buffering and feeling indulgent emotions. You realize that the pain that you’re avoiding is just a vibration. Granted that vibration may not feel the best but you’re not going to get swallowed by sorrow. You’re not gonna drown in self-pity. You’re just going to feel a slightly unpleasant vibration.
Handling and processing emotions is a skill as with everything else that we do in life. But more so with emotions because so many of us are in emotional childhood. We believe emotions just hit us upside the head out of nowhere. That is a falsity because our thoughts create our emotions.
The thought of how horrible the pain we might experience is the very reason why that pain is being avoided. Our worry and our fear are because of the thoughts we have about pain.
With practice, we find processing our emotions to get easier each time, we realize what we are feeling. What we are feeling is just the result of a thought.
Pain is what you make of it
As with everything that we avoid, the reason we avoid it is because of what we make that thought mean. We see sadness as nobody loves us. We see humiliation as potential death because we’re going to get thrown out of our village. We see a choice as limiting our opportunities instead of expanding the possibilities.
Everything we have happened to us, we take that personally. A sideways glance in our general direction could mean somebody is interested in us or somebody is disgusted with us. Which one is it? I don’t know nor do you know. We just make an assumption.
That sideways glance has as much power as the emotion that you’re avoiding in your life
Why do we avoid pain?
The reason we avoid pain is the very reason why we avoid stepping out in front of a bus. It’s not that we’re afraid of sudden death. We’re actually afraid that we’re going to live and have to deal with all the pain because of that bus meeting our body.
Our brain has a hard time differentiating between physical pain and emotional pain to our survival part of the brain. It’s all the same thing if we do something that will get us ridiculed back when we were living in caves that might cause us to get kicked out of the cave. We might be exiled from our village if that happened. Would we be able to gather enough resources to survive? Back in prehistoric times, social approval was needed. We had to make sure we appeased the Chief. We didn’t want to step too far out of the norms because we may be viewed incorrectly.
Pain doesn’t have to feel bad.
As mentioned before pain is just the way that we classify some emotions emotions are just vibrations. They may be vibrations. We don’t want to feel yet with a 50/50 lifestyle. We don’t have the choice. We will have thoughts that create sadness, loneliness, disempowerment, and Self-pity, and we can only experience those emotions
Then you add to the layer that emotions vary on what we make them mean. Therefore you can actually make emotional pain, not be so painful if you choose. There are times when we want to be in pain. Sorrow and grief are two instances of us wanting to be in pain when our grandmother dies. We don’t wanna be happy. You want to be sad. You want to grieve for the loss of your loved one. That is you showing love for someone who will not be in your life anymore. This is a very beautiful act that we humans are capable of doing.
Therefore, being intentional with your emotions doesn’t mean painful emotions are gonna be gone. It means that we choose to fully feel them at the time they happen. That means you can take a painful emotion and wear it as a badge of honor. You can do that all thanks to the thoughts that you have.
How do you deal with emotional pain?
So how do you deal with and process your emotions? These are emotions that are both good or bad. However, most of the time we need to just process the negative emotions the fear-based emotions, and the emotions that we avoid. So let’s look into how you do this
You start by acknowledging the emotion. he can’t tackle the problem if you don’t acknowledge that it’s there and the way you acknowledge it is by naming it what is that emotion that you’re feeling? What is that uneasy feeling in your chest, in your back, in your shoulders, across your midsection that feels like a steel clamp, what is that sensation right now? Name it happiness, sadness, uncertainty, fear, anger, regret, disempowerment, forlorning, lonely, burnout, boredom. What are you feeling as of right now?
Describe it
If you could take that emotion out of your body and hold it in your hands, what would it look like? Is it heavy or light? Is it soft or hard? Is it spiky scaly or glass-smooth? Describe that emotion and as much detail as you can, is it hot? Is it cold? As you do this examination, you’ll notice that the strength of the emotion starts to fade. This is the processing that we’re talking about.
Sadly, we often try to make problems bigger than what they really are. The problem with our emotions is the same way. We think they’re too big for us to be able to handle and thoroughly process. However, when you start processing and examining the emotions that you feel, you notice that those big scary monsters are nothing more than teddy bears under a blanket.
Now most emotions will only last about 1.5 -2 minutes. Yet there are times that you will just have a very stubborn emotion that you can just process away. may time these are bigger emotions that take time to process. These emotions require you to just experience them for the amount of time they are around. You may have to just go through a day or two with that emotion as you examine why you are feeling what you are feeling. This is where a counselor can come in handy especially when you are dealing with emotions that arise from past experiences. Coaches if you are trying to get over an obstacle you can move to the next goal you are aiming for.
If you want help with this all you have to do is take the next step.
If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Take The Next Step
If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
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