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Dear Vilomah Community,
With a heart full of gratitude and reflection, I share some significant changes in my life and what they mean for our beloved podcast, Vilomah. Since 2021, I have had the honour of walking alongside you, sharing stories, advice, and comfort as we navigate the heart-wrenching journey of losing a child. This podcast was born out of a desire to reach out to parents enduring this unimaginable pain, a way to say, “You are not alone.”
Today marks the last episode of Vilomah.
It’s a bittersweet moment for me. My journey as a bereaved mother and a counsellor has been deeply intertwined with this podcast. Over the past three years, we’ve explored various aspects of this journey, and I have shared my personal story with you. The podcast has been a source of solace and strength, both for me and, I hope, for you as well.
Life, as we know, is ever-changing. My husband and I are planning to downscale our lifestyle and possibly move. We've navigated through our loss, and our children and grandchildren have found their own ways to cope with the absence of our daughter. While the podcast is ending, my passion for counselling remains unwavering. I am still here for you, ready to listen and support you. You can always reach me at [email protected].
My daughter will always be a part of me.
The seasons of my life have been profoundly affected by her absence. Winter, with its cold and darkness, has been a constant metaphor for the loss. Yet, I have also seen the blossoms of spring and felt the warmth of summer in moments of joy and new beginnings. Becoming a grandmother has brought light back into my life, reminding me that even after the harshest winters, spring eventually arrives.
Ageing has brought its own set of challenges and reflections. My husband’s support has been invaluable, and our bond has only grown stronger through the years of mourning and healing. Together, we’ve learned to cherish each moment and find gratitude in every day.
I encourage you to keep your journals and, if you feel comfortable, share your stories with me. Each journey through loss is unique, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. What matters is finding a path that allows you to honour your child’s memory and continue living with renewed vitality and gratitude.
Forgiveness, I’ve found, is crucial. It’s a difficult path, especially when justice seems elusive. But without forgiveness, we risk being consumed by our own bitterness. Our children’s memories deserve to be honoured with peace and love, not overshadowed by anger.
Would I have chosen to avoid this pain by never having my daughter? Never. Her life and love have been invaluable to our family, and she will always be a part of us. I hope you, too, find a way to cherish the wonderful memories of your child and choose life in their honour.
Thank you for being part of this journey with me. I look forward to connecting with you via email or online. Your strength, stories, and resilience have been a beacon of hope and understanding.
May you be blessed with peace, love, and joy on your journey. It has been a privilege to connect with you through Vilomah.
Warm regards, Jeanne -
The New Year is about hope and new beginnings, but for a parent who's lost a child, it's really tough. Celebrating anything feels wrong when your child isn't there. New Year's is usually a time for family and friends, but there's this big empty space without your child.
In this episode of Vilomah, Jeanne van den Berg encourages parents to focus on their grief state and use the past to identify and work through their grief. She also provides advice on physical and mental recovery, including seeking help from a counsellor and finding small practical ways to give oneself new pleasure. -
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Navigating the holiday season following the loss of a child can seem like an overwhelming challenge. The pressure to feel joyful during Christmas, or any similar occasion, often intensifies the sense of sorrow. So, what's the approach for managing Christmas in the absence of your child? Although it's impossible to halt the agony of mourning, establishing realistic personal expectations can help ease the burden of grief.
In this episode of Vilomah, Jeanne van den Bergh, gives advise on how parents can use this time to learn about their children and share memories. -
People have varied relationships with death, shaped by personal experiences and cultural backgrounds. Despite our differences, there is a universal truth that death is an inevitable part of life, and losing loved ones is a shared experience.
When there has been a loss, it is important to discuss death within families openly. These conversations, though uncomfortable, play a vital role in providing emotional support. We encourage you to embrace the discomfort and approach these discussions with empathy, fostering emotional well-being and effective navigation of the emotional aspects of death.
In this episode of Vilomah, Jeanne van den Bergh offers a concise exploration of the significance of talking about death, providing personal reflections and insights to guide you in approaching this often-taboo subject with greater understanding and compassion. -
In the pain of losing a child, a profound fear many bereaved parents share is that their child will be forgotten. While society freely celebrates children's milestones, bereaved parents often face silence or even disdain when they remember their lost child. Yet, every child, whether they lived moments or decades, has touched this world and lives forever in the hearts of their parents.
In this episode of Vilomah, Jeanne van den Berg shares more on how the simple act of acknowledging a lost child's birthday or sharing memories can be a comforting gesture to grieving parents. -
The experience of losing a child is an unparalleled loss, frequently misconstrued by most. If you care for a grieving parent or have a connection with one, always keep in mind that even their so-called "better" days are more challenging than one could possibly grasp. Rather than offering advice, what's truly needed is compassion and love.
Amidst this profound loss, I have undergone remarkable personal growth. My journey through grief has enabled me to provide valuable support to those who have endured a similar loss. Through my own experiences, I have gained profound insights into the complexities of bereavement, allowing me to offer genuine empathy and assistance to others navigating the same path of sorrow.
In this episode of Vilomah, Jeanne van den Bergh shares her ability to give back to those who are suffering, showcasing the incredible strength and resilience that have developed within as a result of her own loss. -
Losing a child is an indescribable tragedy that inflicts profound emotional and psychological pain upon parents. In the weeks following the death of their child, parents often experience a range of intense emotions and face numerous challenges as they navigate through their grief.
In this deeply moving episode, Jeanne van den Bergh draws upon her extensive experience and offers a beacon of support to parents who find themselves navigating the unimaginable depths of grief. With empathy and wisdom, she explores the complexities of grief and shares practical strategies to help listeners navigate the difficult terrain of the first days and weeks after such a profound loss.
Through poignant personal reflections, Jeanne provides solace, understanding, and hope for those who are grieving. She addresses the unique emotions, questions, and struggles that arise during this initial stage of grief, and offers compassionate insights to help parents find their way through the darkness.
Join Jeanne as she delves into the raw emotions and challenges that parents face in the immediate aftermath of losing a child. -
Grief is an inescapable part of life. As human beings, we possess deep, complex, multi-faceted emotions, and it’s our responsibility to learn how we individually need to process those emotions. If you are facing a season of grief keeping a grief journal might be the answer to helping you cope with and process your feelings.
In this episode of Vilomah, Jeanne van den Bergh provides guidance on how journalling can help you process your grief. -
The death of a child of any age is a profound, difficult, and painful experience. Crying, sorrow, and anger are common emotions when dealing with death. The most obvious impact on parents is the impact of the ongoing grief and sadness of their child not being here. How do you live with the anger, the guilt, the regrets, and the grief?
It's important to understand that grieving is a normal response. Grieving, however, should be managed so that activities of daily living and relationships among the survivors are able to be maintained. Misdirected anger and feelings of guilt and blame can be very detrimental to a family and marriage. Seeking support groups and professional help may make the grieving process more manageable and have fewer long-lasting effects.
In this episode of Vilomah, Jeanne van den Bergh gives advice on what to do if your feelings of blame and guilt are overtaking your thoughts.
There are many support groups available to help families cope with a loss and work through their emotions associated with grieving, including Guidance to Grow Bereaved Parents Support Group. Join the group today for support, advice and guidance on dealing with the loss of your child. -
One of the most surprising things about emotional trauma is how hard it can hit even the most stoic and grounded people.
Physical injuries can cause a lot of pain and discomfort, but they can be measured and are to be expected after something terrible and unexpected, like a car accident.
Psychological trauma, such as the death of a child, is not at all like physical trauma. It sneaks up on people when they least expect it, mostly because of how the nervous system works.
Emotional trauma can cause major changes in the mind and body. These changes can lead to feelings of shame, dependence, and a wide range of worries that can make it hard for a person to function and live their daily lives if they are not treated.
Psychological trauma can affect a person's mental and physical health if it is not handled. Find out how trauma affects the body and how you can get better.
Living with the effects of trauma doesn't have to be a way of life. There are effective ways to treat trauma symptoms that can make them go away.
In this episode of Vilomah, Jeanne van den Bergh, shares information about her methods for helping people who have been through trauma, as well as tips on what people can do by themselves. -
No parent is prepared for a child's death. Parents are simply not supposed to outlive their children. It is important to remember that how long your child lived does not determine the size of your loss. The loss of a child is profound at every age.
You may find that you also grieve for the hopes and dreams you had for your child, the potential that will never be realized, and the experiences you will never share. If you lost your only child, you may also feel that you have lost your identity as a parent and perhaps the possibility of grandchildren. The pain of these losses will always be a part of you. Yet with time, most parents find a way forward and begin to experience happiness and meaning in life once again.
In this episode of Vilomah, Jeanne van den Bergh gives advice to parents who feel like the pain is not getting any better. -
Losing a loved one is one of the most significant and stressful life events that all humans must experience. Navigating grief will be different for each person but it can be really helpful to validate the sadness before trying to move through it.
Affirmations are a helpful tool for dealing with intense feelings of grief and loss. An affirmation is a declaration that brings clarity to the present moment. During difficult times, affirmations can help steady your emotions and create a more positive mindset. As you go through the grieving process, take some quiet moments to connect with yourself and use affirmations that resonate in a positive way.
In this episode of Vilomah, Jeanne van den Bergh provides information on how positive affirmations can help the grieving process and some powerful affirmations that can help shift your mind. -
We all have different relationships with death, shaped by our personal experiences, religious or spiritual beliefs, culture, family history and current life circumstances. The one thing we all have in common is that dying and death will be a significant part of our lives. The simple fact is that we’re all going to die, and most of us will experience losing people we love and care for during our lifetime.
While talking about death and dying might be uncomfortable or upsetting, having conversations about these subjects with family members can help us emotionally.
In this episode of Vilomah, Jeanne van den Bergh shares her thoughts and experience on how to talk about death and why it's so important. -
Our child’s belongings feel sacred. Letting go of them is unbearably painful. Instead, we become guardians of their possessions. We look after them as if our lives depended on it. No matter your child’s age, at some point you may well have to make this impossibly hard decision: what do I do with my child’s belongings?
In this episode of Vilomah, Jeanne van den Bergh provides parents with some advice on how to approach this painful task. -
The relationship between a mother and her children is among the most intense in life. Much of parenting centers on providing and doing for children, even after they have grown up and left home. A child’s death robs you of the ability to carry out your parenting role as you have imagined it, as it is “supposed” to be. You may feel an overwhelming sense of failure for no longer being able to care for and protect your child, duties that you expected to fulfill for many years.
In this podcast, Jeanne van den Bergh shares ten things she has learned since the death of her daughter, Blyde. -
The loss of children is a pain all bereaved parents share, and it is a degree of suffering that is impossible to grasp without experiencing it first-hand. An out-of-order death such as child loss breaks a person (especially a parent) in a way that is not fixable or solvable. We will learn to pick up the pieces and move forward, but our lives will never be the same. Every grieving parent must find a way to continue to live with loss, and it's a solitary journey. In this episode of Vilomah, Jeanne van den Bergh shares her own story of losing her daughter.
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The decision to terminate a pregnancy can be complex and may be influenced by many factors, including a woman’s values, beliefs, relationships, work and study goals, financial stability, age, existing family size and cultural background.
It is very common for women to have mixed emotions at the same time and for these feelings to change over time. Women may also experience both positive and negative feelings together.
For some women a pregnancy termination will mean experiencing feelings of loss. A sense of loss may come from the reasons you decided to terminate the pregnancy or from other things that happened at the same time. For example, a relationship break-up, being isolated from people who can support you, or loss of trust in friends, family and partners.
Experiencing a sense of loss may involve grieving. Grieving is a process that all people need to go through to deal with any kind of loss. Honouring the grieving process allows you to explore meaning in the pregnancy and to incorporate your abortion experience into your life journey.
In this episode of Vilomah, Jeanne van den Bergh provides information aimed at assisting women who may be struggling emotionally after an abortion.
If you would like to join the Guidance to Grow Bereaved Parents Support Group and connect with other parents that have lost a child, and with Jeanne, please visit https://bit.ly/Guidance2Grow. -
Miscarriage is common, but that knowledge may be cold comfort if you’re coping with a recent loss. In fact, many women are surprised by the intensity of their emotions after a miscarriage. The feelings can run from shock and sadness to irrational guilt and anxiety about future pregnancies. Men, too, may struggle with feelings of loss and inadequacy. This is especially true if they’re unsure about how to help their partner through this difficult period.
Such feelings are perfectly normal. The emotional healing process after a miscarriage may take some time. It often takes much longer than the physical healing takes. Allowing yourself to grieve the loss can actually help you come to terms with it in the long run.
In this episode of Vilomah, Jeanne van den Bergh discusses some of the common feelings associated with pregnancy loss and how to deal with this difficult event.
If you would like to join the Guidance to Grow Bereaved Parents Support Group and connect with other parents that have lost a child, and with Jeanne, please visit https://bit.ly/Guidance2Grow. -
When someone you love can’t get past their grief, you may feel helpless, confused, and frustrated. Witnessing someone you love experience unsuccessful grief can be deeply troubling. You may feel confused about why they are stuck in their loss and unsure about how to support them when the normal rules of grief don’t seem to apply. But their grief does not need to be permanent and by developing a better understanding of this phenomenon you can learn how to help someone with complicated bereavement.
In this episode of Vilomah, Jeanne van den Bergh gives tips and advice on how one can support a friend or family member who is dealing with unsuccessful grief.
If you would like to join the Guidance to Grow Bereaved Parents Support Group and connect with other parents that have lost a child, and with Jeanne, please visit https://bit.ly/Guidance2Grow. -
Grief reactions after the death of a child are similar to those after other losses. But, they are often more intense and last longer. Most people experiencing normal grief and bereavement have a period of sorrow, numbness, and even guilt and anger. Gradually these feelings ease, and it's possible to accept loss and move forward.
For some people, feelings of loss are debilitating and don't improve even after time passes. This is known as unsuccessful grief. In unsuccessful grief, painful emotions are so long lasting and severe that you have trouble recovering from the loss and resuming your own life.
In this episode of Vilomah, Jeanne van den Bergh talks about unsuccessful grief and provides advice on how to navigate through the three stages of grief.
If you would like to join the Guidance to Grow Bereaved Parents Support Group and connect with other parents that have lost a child, and with Jeanne, please visit https://bit.ly/Guidance2Grow. - Mehr anzeigen
